


Cat Nap

by TonySawicki



Category: Dir en grey
Genre: Alternate Universe - Magic, Cats, Fluff and Crack, I mean kind of, M/M, Nonsense, Ridiculous, Romantic Subplot, Shapeshifting, Silly, Some Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-10-28
Packaged: 2018-11-21 21:08:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 40,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11365653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TonySawicki/pseuds/TonySawicki
Summary: Kyo has been taking on way too much, and is starting to feel the strain of it. When a chance meeting leads to him receiving an unexpected gift, his life is forced to change in ways he had never considered.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [duskalia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/duskalia/gifts).



> This is the start of something I was talking with  duskalia  about ages ago, and I know this is probably NOTHING like what they'd imagined, and I apologize in advance for the (eventual) Die/Kyo romantic subplot, when I guess for you, I should have made it Kk, but SOMETIMES THINGS JUST HAPPEN!!  
> I'm not sure how many chapters there are gonna be of this one, this is just a tiny starting point, but I'll try to keep my updates regular. This is one of my most pointless fics yet, folks, but maybe I think it will have some amusing bits in it. I hope y'all enjoy!!

Kyo couldn’t remember the last time he’d actually had a day to himself. It was always _something_ , what with all the different projects he had going on simultaneously, and it always seemed like other people were the ones deciding what he would do and when. He thought sometimes about just going away, taking a trip somewhere by himself or just playing hooky, but there was too much for which he felt responsible, and he could never fully talk himself into taking that step.

Nevertheless, it was certainly tempting on days like this, when the sun was in just the right place in the sky to cast half the world in warm shadows. He wanted to take the time to thoroughly enjoy it as he walked back to his apartment from the train station, but he knew there was more work waiting for him at home and he couldn’t put it off forever. Still, it would wait for a bit, and he took the more scenic route as he moseyed back to his place.

He walked through a park that was just slightly out of his way and watched the birds flitting carefree from branch to branch in the trees. His mind wandered to the concept of reincarnation, and how he would like to spend another life, as something insignificant but powerful in its freedom from any societal restrictions or pressures. The sun sank lower and lower and he worked to aim himself more towards his building. He pulled his mask down to scratch at his nose and then pulled it back up, looking around self-consciously. He didn’t typically struggle all that much with being recognized when he was out and about, but when he was already feeling so put upon by everyone, the last thing he wanted was to run into fans. He thought longingly of a time when he could parade freely around the city, going anywhere he pleased and never worrying about someone stopping him to ask for this or that.

This musing was interrupted as Kyo stumbled abruptly to a stop, careful not to step on a sleek black cat that was sprawled lazily in the middle of the alley he was walking down. He looked down at it. The cat glanced up at him and expressed its disinterest by starting to lick one of its front paws.

Kyo furrowed his brow and crouched down in front of the cat. “Ne, what are you up to? Do you have somewhere you’re supposed to be?” he asked quietly.

The cat looked at him, blinked once, and stretched its limbs before relaxing even more.

“Hm.” Kyo smiled a little. “Take that as a no.”

The cat rolled over exposing its belly invitingly for rubbing.

Kyo chuckled and reached out a hand, obligingly offering skritches. “Must be nice,” he said with a sigh.

The cat looked at him again, then closed its eyes, purring contentedly.

“You don’t know how lucky you are, going wherever you feel like going, whenever you feel like it, free to lie on the ground and relax with no expectations on you,” Kyo said, shaking his head. He scratched behind the cat’s ears, earning him louder purrs. “I wish I could have that freedom.” He stayed a while longer crouching in the dying light and petting the cat fondly before he finally pushed himself to a standing position.

The cat looked up at the unexpected loss of skritches, watching with wide green eyes as Kyo stood.

“I have to be getting home,” Kyo explained with a rueful smile. “I would love to stay and kill more time with you, but I’m afraid my schedule won’t allow it.” He bowed slightly. “Thank you for the company. Take care.”

The cat sat up and blinked at him slowly. Then it jerked its head as if it heard something suddenly from another direction (or dimension), and Kyo took that as his signal to skirt around it and finish his walk home.

It was no great surprise that by the time he got home he already had several new messages from various people; what day could he do an interview about sukekiyo’s upcoming release with such and such magazine, could he come in early to meet with wardrobe and talk about what he’d be wearing in Dir en grey’s next tour, Yuchi wanted an updated version of some new lyrics, Kaoru wanted Kyo’s approval of a new setlist, Gara wanted to get coffee… Kyo was tempted to unplug everything and just shut off for the night, but instead he gave a resigned sigh and sat down to respond as needed to the messages filling his inbox.

 

It seemed like things would never slow down. Between Dir en grey tour dates he was returning to Tokyo to work on recording and mixing tracks with sukekiyo. Inevitably he was expected to do promotional work for that as well, and then he was never one to turn down opportunities for new collaborative projects. It was no wonder that he was exhausted; the only wonder was that he still had the creative energy left to write poetry when he got home at the end of the day.

 

He was half-asleep at his desk in the studio one afternoon, trying to listen to a demo track for a song Dir en grey was working up, when a gentle tap on his shoulder jerked him abruptly back to wakefulness. He slipped his headphones down around his neck as he turned to face Shinya.

“Sorry if I woke you,” Shinya said, looking ever so slightly amused.

“I wasn’t asleep,” Kyo said.

“Are you getting any rest at home at all?” Shinya asked, ignoring his blatant lie.

“At times.”

“That doesn’t sound like enough,” Shinya said. “When was your last vacation day?”

“Vacation day? What’s that?” Kyo said.

Shinya frowned. “You know what you should have? A pet.”

“A pet?” Kyo’s eyes widened. “When would I take care of it?”

“Cats don’t need all that much attention. You could have someone come and take care of it while you’re on tour or something.” 

“Cats have a good life,” Kyo mused. “But I’m surprised you’re not recommending a dog.”

“Dogs need a lot more interaction,” Shinya said. “I could see you and a cat coexisting easily. Besides, I like both. Pretty much all animals are good.”

“Except snakes?” Die said, appearing on the other side of Kyo.

“No, snakes are no good,” Shinya said.

“How about lizards? I think I might like to have a lizard,” Kyo said. “I could let it out to crawl around!”

“Yeah, and it’s small; you could bring it to the studio sometimes, just let it loose,” Die said with a grin.

“No, no,” Shinya said. “Lizards are no good!”

“What are you talking about? They’re adorable!” Die said. “Their wriggly tails and their little claws.”

“Sounds pretty similar to a cat when you put it like that,” Kyo pointed out.

“Lizards are not similar to cats!” Shinya said indignantly. He crossed his arms over his chest. “Fine, be that way. I was just trying to suggest something that might keep you company and lower your stress levels, but you’re only interested in being awful.”

“Aww, Shinya would rather you adopt whatever Cheburashka is,” Die said.

“What… the fuck is Cheburashka supposed to be?” Kyo asked. “Or what’s that mascot he likes, Funassyi?”

“I do _not_ like Funassyi,” Shinya said firmly.

“I could have sworn you did,” Kyo teased. He was well aware that Funassyi was one of the few mascots Shinya disliked, but once they got started poking fun at Shinya it was all too easy to carry on.

“I didn’t know Shinya was a Funassyi fan!” Die said. “Well, well, it’s almost your birthday!”

“I’ve had enough of both of you,” Shinya said, and he stalked off, shaking his head disapprovingly.

Die and Kyo stayed laughing at the desk for a minute before Die nudged Kyo lightly with his boot. “What’s that all about then anyway? You’re working too hard again?”

“No more than usual,” Kyo said, shrugging. Well, maybe a _little_ harder than usual.

“Shinya’s right that animals can help you relax. You ever go to just pet some dogs? Visit a cat cafe?” Die asked, leaning against Kyo’s desk as if it were built for him to do just that.

“Or a snake cafe?” Kyo said with a smirk.

Die chuckled. “Either one.”

“When do I ever have time?” Kyo said. He slouched back in his chair. “There’s so much I want to get done and I never have enough hours in the day as it is. Sometimes I want to just slip away, you know?”

Die nodded, a little crease between his brows as he pushed back a few strands of hair that had come loose from his ponytail. He looked thoughtful, hesitated, and then nodded again. “Just don’t go too far, eh?” He gave Kyo another one of his winning smiles and pushed off from the desk. “Otsukaresama,” he said as he started to walk away.

“Otsukaresama desu!” Kyo called after him. He turned back to his laptop and sighed. He didn’t think he was really going to get anything else done today, so he started closing it all down. Everyone else was starting to head out too, so Kyo didn’t feel too guilty as he went around saying goodnight to people and getting ready to leave. He was kind of excited at the prospect of getting home so early he might actually have time to do something besides finish up work and go to bed, and he left feeling more hopeful about the evening than he generally allowed himself.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm, this chapter is pretty short too, but we're getting into the plot at least now.

Kyo had his earbuds in as he walked the familiar path to his apartment and let himself listen to and enjoy the music playing from his phone for once, rather than thinking so loudly he couldn’t even hear it anymore. It came as a bit of a surprise when he was walking down the alley and saw the same black cat he’d seen the other day. This time it was sitting upright and he had the distinct and unsettling feeling that it was _waiting_ for him.

“Hello again,” Kyo said, looking down at it. “It’s been a while.” And was he imagining things or did the cat seem to _nod_? Kyo held out a hand and crouched down, letting the cat approach and get familiar with his scent as it willed. “I’m getting home a bit earlier than usual, actually. Still running myself into the ground for everyone else though.” The cat bumped his hand affectionately with its nose and he smiled. “I guess you’re still living the carefree life.” He began scratching it under its chin. “The trouble is anywhere I might disappear to someone could always find me. As long as I was myself, I’d feel too responsible to let them carry on without me.”

The cat made a small chirping sound and Kyo shook his head.

“I’m sorry, I’m just talking and you don’t know what I’m saying anyway.”

The cat chirped again, pushed its head against his hand.

“What?” Kyo said, pulling his hand back and looking at the cat. “I’m annoying you?”

The cat looked at him, blinked once, slowly. It put a paw up on his leg.

Kyo frowned slightly. “Are you talking to me?"  This time Kyo was _sure_ the cat nodded, and his frown grew. “I can’t understand.”

Both the cat’s front paws were up on Kyo’s leg now. He watched as it closed its eyes, and when it didn’t open them, he took the hint, closing his eyes as well.

All at once there was a gust of wind that whipped around them, and Kyo felt enveloped in a peculiar kind of burning smell, tinged at the edges with something almost sweet. He was warm like he was wrapped tightly in a blanket, but his limbs felt oddly free, extended. His senses were sharper, but altered, and when he tried to speak, he couldn’t find his voice. He'd spent decades using his voice, knowing it as well as he knew any part of himself, and now it didn’t project the way he was instructing it. He opened his eyes as soon as the air around him cleared of any perceived danger, faint panic thrumming through him.

What he saw did not cause that panic to recede.

The cat was at perfect eye level with him and a quick glance was enough to show him just why: sure enough, Kyo himself was a cat. Again he tried to speak, but all that came out was a cracked sort of meow.

_Don’t be afraid_.

Kyo froze. The cat had meowed back, but he had understood the sound as if it had been words. He took a step backwards, stumbling over extra feet he wasn’t used to. Carefully he tried again, forming the thought before letting out the softest of chirps of his own, _What did you do to me??_

The cat tilted its head. _It is a gift_.

There was a moment where Kyo wondered if he shouldn’t be a bit more reverent given that he was clearly dealing with some type of god or spirit, but it was really all he could do to not be completely freaking out. _Why did you change me?_ he asked, in what he hoped was a respectful tone; it was hard for him to tell with this not-totally-verbal communication.

_It was your wish_. The cat was apparently losing interest in the exchange and started bathing itself.

Kyo looked down at the soft grey of his forepaws and realized the cat was right. He had wished that he had all the freedom that came with feline life, that he could escape his responsibilities by being someone other than himself. In this case though, the relief of freedom was overshadowed sharply by loss and grief. How could he write like this? What about his family, his friends and colleagues? Little waves of pain washed over him as he thought about people he couldn’t see in this form, about things he had never been able to express. How could he make sure his parents were well looked after? What excuses could he leave for his bandmates? Would Kaoru ever know what had happened to him? Would Die? What if he could never sing again?

Kyo flopped miserably over on his side, staring blankly at the wall of the alley. He didn’t want to appear ungrateful; clearly whatever being this cat was had been trying to do him a favor. He just wished he’d had time to consider the consequences before the decision had been made for him. He sensed more than saw the other cat looking at him, and lifted his head to see it regarding him curiously, the tip of its tail flicking back and forth.

It seemed to be waiting for Kyo to explain his mood, so he gathered his thoughts and let out a quiet, _How can I change back?_

It felt somehow condescending when the cat replied, _At will_. It paced around him, glossy black fur seeming to shimmer with the movement. _You need only to concentrate and you can shift back and forth as you like_.

Kyo sat up fully. He could shift back and forth between cat and human form at will? This just got considerably more interesting. He could do anything with power like that, and he couldn’t really imagine why it had been granted him like this. Where was the catch?

The black cat seemed aware of his suspicions. _It will not last. The enchantment will end at midnight on the third day_.

Kyo’s whiskers twitched in amusement. He had ended up right the middle of some classic fairytale, and he’d turn back into a pumpkin after the ball. _Until then?_

_Until then, you can change freely._ The cat stretched, gave each of its hind feet a little shake and then started off down the alley.

Kyo scurried after it. _Thank you_. It came out as a purr, and he tried to bow, but it was strange on four legs. The cat wasn’t paying him any mind anymore anyway, and Kyo watched as it wandered off towards whatever catly business it had elsewhere. Kyo turned around and realized his backpack lay abandoned in the middle of the alleyway. He figured he had better see about returning to human form at least long enough to get his belongings carried home. He wasn’t sure how to do it, but the cat had said all it required was concentration, so perhaps it would be something that came kind of naturally.

Settling himself near his backpack, Kyo closed his eyes and tried to focus his energies into what it was to be human. He recalled the sensations of his first transformation and tried to put them into reverse order. It took a moment, but then everything seemed to tighten and stretch at the same time. The wind whipped around him again, along with that burnt smell, and when he opened his eyes at last, he looked down to see his human body just as he’d left it. He bent to pick up his backpack and threw it over one shoulder before starting to walk once more towards his apartment.

As he went he wondered if it had been a hallucination. Surely he hadn’t really just changed into a cat and back in the span of less than an hour? He hadn’t had any experiences like this before but that didn’t exactly mean he didn’t think such things were possible. Maybe all things were possible. It certainly felt like a new world of possibilities had opened up to him now with this shapeshifting power. He walked the rest of the way home quickly, eager to try out his new skill again.

As soon as he had let himself into his apartment, he threw his bag down in the genkan, ditched his shoes, and made his way to his room where there was a full-length mirror hanging on the closet door. He emptied his pockets, leaving his phone on the nightstand along with his keys and then moved to the mirror. He stood before it and worked once more on concentrating, this time thinking all his strongest feline thoughts. His eyes closed tightly and the now familiar smell of the magic flared up around him as he felt the air changing its very texture. When he opened his eyes now he got a good look at his cat-self for the first time.

He was a fairly small domestic cat, medium-long hair, grey in color overall, with black stripes spread sort of irregularly throughout. His tail was long and fluffy and he watched with interest in the mirror as he whipped it from side to side. He noticed as he looked around the room that the way in which he perceived many colors was different, everything just _looked_ a bit different, and he was fascinated by it. He spent the next half-hour just springing around his room, leaping up on the furniture, and _looking_ at things, things he’d seen countless times before that looked so different now.

Finally he nudged the door of his bedroom open and pitter-pattered down the hall. He paused cautiously before taking careful steps across the tatami. He hopped up on the couch and suddenly had the instinctual urge to drag his claws over the upholstery and scratch it all up. That was sort of interesting. He wondered whether it might be best to stay out of the tatami room as much as possible while in his cat form. 

A bird flew past the window and he turned eagerly to watch it. It seemed obvious that outside was The Place to Be, and he quickly determined that he needed to get out there. He stared around the room and spotted the window over the kitchen sink, cracked open ever so slightly. The kitchen was a fair distance from where he was perched on the back of the couch, but he plotted his path strategically. Wiggling his rear end in preparation, Kyo launched himself across the room and landed on a shelf at the edge of the tatami. From there, he bounded to a kitchen cabinet, the top of the fridge, and finally across the counter. He tiptoed around the sink and up onto the windowsill. It was tricky to pry the window open enough to squeeze out, but he found once his head was through, the rest of his body just followed.

The fear he might expect to feel balancing on the small ledge outside the window at this height was minimized from this feline perspective. He was having fewer and fewer analytical thoughts about this kind of thing, however, and his focus was on navigating his way down from the sixth floor of his building so he could roam the streets freely. 

He spent the evening racing around, feeling more energetic and at ease than he had in ages. Twice he narrowly avoided being hit by oncoming cars, but rather than bringing him down to a place of practical fear and restraint, he was almost driven faster by the adrenaline.

He only felt intimidated when he ran into another pair of cats— _actual_ cats. He could sense their distrust and suspicion, and when one hissed at him, he turned and made a run for it, not slowing down until he was three blocks away. The idea that he might be discovered as an impostor somehow troubled him more than the possibility that he could be injured or killed trying to cross the street. Perhaps later he would need to reassess his priorities.

The night passed pleasantly and freely enough with Kyo reaching a kind of contentment that he’d been missing from his life of late with how much he’d been working. It was after midnight by the time he scrambled back up fire escapes and balconies until he reached his kitchen window and wormed his way back into his apartment. He fell asleep curled up in cat form at the foot of his bed and dreamed of birds in flight.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like this story wasn't already ridiculous, pfft

The vibrations of his cell phone alarm were more jarring and disorienting than Kyo had ever experienced in his life, and it took him several minutes of walking around in little circles, pawing and kneading at the comforter of his bed, for him to fully realize who and where he was. Maybe falling asleep in his cat form for such a long expanse of time was a less than good idea, he decided. He located his phone where he’d left it on the corner of the nightstand, and went over to nose at the screen to get it to stop buzzing and chiming, but it quickly became apparent that he didn’t really have the dexterity for that.

With a crackle of energy he switched into his human form and swiped his thumb over his phone to silence the alarm. He ran a hand through his hair with a small sigh, and looked down in some surprise to see what he was wearing—a thick sweater in grey and black stripes and some black jeans, form-fitting and yet flexible enough it would probably be more accurate to call them jeggings. At any rate, it wasn’t what he’d been wearing when he’d gone into his cat mode last night. Actually, he wasn’t even sure he owned a sweater like that. This would indicate that he was able, to some degree, to control his appearance when he shifted back and forth. He sat pondering this with great interest far longer than he meant to, and only just managed to snap himself out of it in time to not be late for his train to the studio.

Normally Kyo found meetings at the studio repetitive and boring. He understood they were necessary and occasionally productive; it was good for everyone to be on the same page. But he hated when they just seemed to be lectures from management about the the long list of things that Dir en grey couldn’t _possibly_ do. He tended to stay quiet during the meetings, mutter and complain to himself after, and then, once he’d had time to organize his thoughts, he’d launch his discussion with Kaoru about all the things Dir en grey certainly _could_ do, fuck you very much.

Today was a little different, the focus on laying out the vision for the new music video they would be shooting next week. In general, meetings of that type were of considerably more interest to Kyo, because his input was valued, and creative bits and pieces were bounced around amongst everyone. This time though, Kyo had far too much else on his mind to listen to what anyone was saying. Blah blah use of shadows, blah blah green screen. He was just nodding along carelessly, sure he’d be filled in when it came time to actually film. 

His eyes were darting to the clock again and again and he only noticed he was shaking his leg when Die kicked him under the table and shot him a slightly concerned look. He was anxious to be done for the day, to roam the streets freely again, to explore his abilities to a fuller extent.

The instant it was announced they were finished, Kyo was on his feet, one sleeve of his jacket already tugged on.

“Kyo.”

Kaoru’s voice froze him in his tracks and he lifted his head to see him, hoping he didn’t look too guilty as he clearly tried to book it out of the studio without a second thought. “Yeah?”

“Antsy today?”

Kyo attempted a casual shrug.

“These are usually the meetings you’re a little more present for, but you seemed like you weren’t even on this planet, much less in the studio.” Kaoru raised an eyebrow as Kyo still tried to inch towards the door even as they spoke. “And now you’re trying to escape like a wanted criminal. What’s going on?”

“Just… ready to get out of here,” Kyo said, letting his gaze drift around the room. There was no way he could try to explain what was going on with him. He would just sound completely insane—or people would just think he was doing some weird Kyo thing. Either way there was no chance of Kaoru believing him if he tried. “I have some… plans for the rest of the day.”

“Non-work plans?” Die asked, coming up beside Kaoru, his jacket folded over his arm.

Kyo blinked at him, feeling a bit cornered with both of them standing there like that. “Yes?”

Die blinked a couple times himself. “Oh! I didn’t mean anything by it, I just… was surprised. Seems like you’ve been working a lot lately."

“I have,” Kyo said. “Hence my being so eager to get to my plans in my limited free time.”

It was hard to tell if Die blushed because just then he tipped his head enough that his hair swung into his face, but he gave a weird little cough and stepped to the side to let Kyo past him, muttering out a, “right, of course, sorry.”

Kaoru moved out of the way too, but he was still looking hard at Kyo and stopped him again before he actually made it to the door. “Are you sure that’s it? Everything’s okay?”

“Yes, everything is good,” Kyo said honestly, and offered a small smile. “I’m just kinda tired maybe. Don’t worry about it.”

It was another moment before Kaoru nodded and turned away, finally letting Kyo exit into the hall.

It was freedom and it was delicious. Kyo could hardly stop himself from breaking into a run as he headed for the elevators, fighting the urge to transform right then and there. This wasn’t exactly a private place, and he was sure that would be an awful idea—Not that he wasn’t tempted to tell someone, _show_ someone. Maybe he would have even tried to explain it to Die if Kaoru hadn’t been standing there so judgmentally. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Kaoru, but maybe Die would be more accepting of something like this.

Really, Die tended to be accepting of a lot of the weird shit Kyo had opened up to him about over the years. It was just Die’s nature to take things in stride and move forward while incorporating the new information. It was one of the things Kyo liked so much about him. He could trust Die with just about anything and know he wasn’t being judged for it. But surely everyone must have a limit and _psst check it out, I can turn into a feline at will_ might be just beyond those bounds. He didn’t want to risk that with Die somehow. He really liked how much trust and ease was between them, and he didn’t want Die to somehow think Kyo had lost his mind.

He _hadn’t_ lost his mind. Okay, so part of him was even worried about it himself. Turning into a cat and then back into a man was impossible; some part of him was still convinced he’d hallucinated the entire thing, but no, he had woken up as a cat this morning. Even now, he was wearing a sweater he’d never owned prior to creating it with his own shapeshifting abilities, and the cat hair visible on his black jeans was his own, from where he’d shed on the comforter last night. Bizarre as it was, he couldn’t deny to his own mind that it had all really happened.

A quick elevator ride later Kyo was downstairs and making his way out of the building. He wanted to stop at home before he changed, and then from there he could decide how far he wanted to explore. He wasn’t always excited to get back to his apartment; sometimes the loneliness of it was suffocating and he knew there was always work he had to do once he got there. Now he was taking the shortest routes he knew, hardly stopping to look at anything or anyone, and he made it home in record time. 

 

* * *

 

His concerns about whether he should or shouldn’t tell his bandmates about his skills faded from his mind rapidly as his adrenaline rushed him from rooftop to rooftop around his neighborhood and beyond. It was becomingeasier and easier to change forms, and feeling more and more natural to fly around the city as a cat. It felt like it had always been part of him and now he was just finally free for the first time. He lost track of time and only returned to his apartment, late in the night, when he recognized that he was hungry and wasn’t about to try and hunt something down and devour it in the streets (though in all honesty the temptation was there).

Upon getting home, Kyo took back his human form, if only for ease of cooking, taking the opportunity to focus on redesigning his outfit when the scents of his magic were swirling around him. 

It was effective in that his clothes came out unfamiliar but he seemed to be limited in his color scheme, which he supposed made some kind of sense. The only pigments available to him were the ones in his cat coat’s pattern. 

After making himself a simple dinner he was too exhausted to get anything else done, even the work he’d been so positive he’d finish on a new sukekiyo song, and he didn’t bother changing out of his clothes before falling deeply asleep with his face buried in his pillows.

 

His dreams felt like someone was fast-forwarding through them, everything going at a higher speed than reality. Cityscapes were whipping past him, he was falling, catching himself, falling again—there was a strange alternation between an unsettling silence that made his very insides feel hollow, and a blaring soundtrack of electric guitar, always guitar; wild solos that seemed like a language all on their own, and Kyo tried to understand it, tried to hear it and let the vibrations mean something to him the way he could understand other cats, but there was nothing there for him to latch onto linguistically, and he was lost, falling again, past rooftops and fire escapes, until he landed, jerking awake in his bed. 

His heart was pounding as he carefully took in his surroundings, and then checked the time on his phone. His alarm was due to go off in another six minutes, and he knew there was no real point in trying to go back to sleep. Still, he was unsettled by his dream, and not feeling especially well-rested, so he decided to do something he never did. He called in sick.

And maybe he was getting a little carried away with this cats-have-no-responsibilities thing, but also maybe he deserved to have a personal day once in a while. God knows he didn’t take them often.

Kaoru was unreservedly concerned, but after the way Kyo had behaved the day before, he didn’t question whether Kyo was actually sick. He asked if Kyo was going to the doctor, whether he needed a ride, what was the location and intensity of his pain… Kyo was as vague as possible without being suspicious, and assured Kaoru he just needed a single day to rest and then he’d be fine.

As soon as that was finished, Kyo cheerfully went into his cat mode and spent a good portion of the morning just lounging around the apartment, dozing and lying comfortably in a sunbeam. He ignored the occasional buzz of notifications from his cell phone until it vibrated several times in a row, and he reluctantly went to check in case it was something urgent.

What he hadn’t expected to see was a series of texts from Die, who really rarely texted him, even about band stuff.

‘ _Hey!_ ’

‘ _Kaoru says you’re sick, are you ok??_ ’

‘ _Hmu if you need a ride to the hospital or something. You want me to bring some keihan over later?_ ’

Kyo blinked at the messages on the screen and then grudgingly switched back to human form so he could respond to them. ‘ _I told Kaoru already, I’ll be fine tomorrow, don’t worry about me._ ’

His mouth twitched as if he could still feel the whiskers there as he considered the chicken soup offer. There was something so _Die_ about it, so motherly. He thought he would honestly have kind of liked for Die to come over; he always had such a good time just being around him. He relaxed him almost as much as turning into a fucking cat and running around. But since he was faking sick, he figured it probably wouldn’t be wise to have someone coming over… Not that Die would tattle on him. Finally he sent another text, ‘ _Don’t think I’ll need soup, but I appreciate the offer. I’ll let you know if I change my mind_.’

Die texted back right away, ‘ _Yeah, for sure! Homemade you know, I’m pretty good making it._ ’ A winking face followed.

Kyo didn’t doubt that. Die might not be from the islands where the food was popular, but Kyo had tasted his cooking before, and knew he had a real talent for it. ‘ _I bet. I’ll be back tomorrow._ ’

‘ _Feel better._ ’

That done, Kyo made sure everything was set and locked up around his apartment before he went through his transformation (it really was becoming terribly natural), and made his exit through the kitchen window.

Today he went walking through places littered with people, and basked in the anonymity his feline form provided him. There were no self-conscious glances around, no mask he had to wear to hide his face. He walked right through the middle of a park and people-watched openly, simply enjoying observing the world as it was without him as a character.

The few people who did approach him couldn’t complain that he was being rude either—it was just typical cat behavior. It was totally acceptable for him to not feel like interacting. This was something he would definitely miss when he had to go back to being human full-time.

He passed by some people who seemed to be having a rather entertaining argument centering around whether "ramen" should count as an appropriate response if you asked someone’s favorite Japanese food. Or maybe it had started there, but both parties seemed to have gotten more personal in their attacks and the entire nature of it had changed by now. Kyo crept near them and tried to look nonchalant before realizing it didn’t matter and he could eavesdrop as much as he wanted without them thinking anything of it. 

The way they’d started really going after each other made a juicy little scene, and Kyo thought he would definitely recycle it into something he wrote at some point because it was just way too amusing. Not once during their bickering did the couple look down at this unassuming cat and ask just what he thought he was listening in on. It was something like having the power of invisibility, which was seriously just undeniably rad.

What else could he do while he was invisible? He ran through the possibilities mentally and then found one that might be very interesting indeed: he could spy on the other members of Dir en grey and see if they talked shit about him while he wasn’t there.

He knew they would all be at the studio today because he was supposed to be there himself. He was curious what his sukekiyo bandmates might be up to as well, but they presumably wouldn’t all be conveniently in one place where he could overhear something, so he would just have to focus on Dir en grey today, and maybe he could show up early to the meeting scheduled with sukekiyo tomorrow evening to see if they’d say anything in front of a cat that they wouldn’t say in front of him.

Maybe this entire plan was kind of self-obsessed and weird to be considering, but the truth was Kyo just liked knowing things. He liked being in the know, and while he was aware that many people did confide in him thanks to his reputation as being someone thoughtful and trustworthy, he also knew that people couldn’t so easily tell him what they thought about _him_ specifically. And some anxious, masochistic part of his brain really just had to find out.

He could imagine it well enough:

Kaoru would be like, “Finally we can get some work done without Kyo hanging around complaining about everything.”

“Yeah,” Shinya would say. “Kyo is just always in the way.”

Die would rush to his defense and say, “Aw, you guys, he’s not in the way that much—‘cause he’s so short he hardly takes up any space!”

Then Toshiya would high-five him.

“He is small and cute,” Shinya would agree. “But he’s not very fun to be around. He’s so antisocial.”

“He doesn’t even like drinking! Him not drinking makes me feel bad about my own drinking, and then I don’t want to hang out with him at all because he’s so judgmental. What a jerk!” Die would say disapprovingly.

“Maybe I could forgive the way he dresses if he at least sang nicely,” Shinya would say then, sounding a bit sad, “But the noises he makes are so ugly.”

“Surely we could find someone a lot better to sing our songs,” Toshiya would say.

“That’s actually what I wanted to discuss with you,” Kaoru would say. “I’ve talked to management as well, and we’re going to start auditioning new vocalists. Ideally we find someone who can pen lyrics too.”

“But let’s be realistic; it won’t take much to get better lyrics than we had with Kyo,” Die would say, and they would all laugh.

Kyo growled. _Those fuckers!!_ It took him several seconds to remember this was an imaginary conversation he had just made up, but in the end, he was more determined than ever to go and find out what—if anything—they were saying about him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really think this story is silly, you guys.

It was a little bit tricky to get to the studio; Kyo had to sneak onto a train and nearly ended up trampled on the platform. He arrived just as he figured people would be coming back from lunch and slipped into the building unnoticed, skittering to the elevator.

Then he realized he couldn’t reach the button for the proper floor. He got up on his hind legs and stretched as far as he could, but to no avail. He’d never be able to push the doors to the stairwells open because they were far too heavy, and he was loath to try to transform here in the elevator where there were certainly security cameras. He was trying to formulate a plan for where he could go change and then change back before he was seen by anyone when someone else came into the elevator and Kyo did his best to be invisible, as he was reasonably sure a cat in the elevator would be… conspicuous.

This time the invisible trick didn’t work though.

“Oh, hello, little cat!”

Kyo went rigid as he realized his elevator companion was, of course, Shinya. He flicked his tail nervously.

“Hmm, I’m fairly sure you’re not supposed to be in here,” Shinya said, “But I’m not going to tell anyone. You can come in with me!” He pressed the button that Kyo couldn’t reach and smiled down at him.

That was actually pretty convenient. Kyo let out a quiet chirp of thanks and Shinya looked extremely pleased.

“You’re a cute one, aren’t you!”

Kyo hissed angrily without even meaning to, and Shinya’s eyebrows shot up.

“Aww,” he said, crouching down. “Come here, little guy.”

And dear lord, he was trying to pick him up.

Kyo stretched out his legs and tried to make himself as heavy and ungainly as possible.

After trying and failing to lift him anyway, Shinya stopped and tilted his head, looking puzzled. “Eh?” He pulled his hands away but stayed crouching nearby. “…Kyo?”

Kyo whipped his head around to stare at Shinya. There was absolutely _no way_ Shinya could recognize him. Just no way at all.

“It _is_ you,” Shinya said. He didn’t look all that shocked, mostly just impressed. “Well, I look forward to hearing this story.”

When they reached their floor, Shinya and Kyo walked side by side to the rehearsal room, but Shinya paused just outside the door.

“Wait here a moment,” Shinya said, and went inside. 

Kyo couldn’t hear what was said in there, just the hum of voices, and then Shinya came back out without his coat or bag.

“I told them I was going to the washroom,” he said quietly, and headed off in that direction, clearly expecting Kyo to join him. 

It was such a familiar place, but strange to see it from this angle, and Kyo found himself pausing every few steps to observe something he didn’t usually notice, even in the unassuming little hallway leading away from the rehearsal room. He’d never thought of the studio as smelling like so many things at once and now he couldn’t _not_ be aware of it.

Shinya went into the men’s room first and held the door open for Kyo once he’d confirmed it was otherwise unoccupied. Kyo felt a little like he was being called into the principal’s office which was a weird vibe on many levels.

“All right then,” Shinya said, looking down at Kyo with a raised eyebrow.

Kyo stretched his paws and extended his claws. He didn’t come here in his form of freedom just to get lectured in the bathroom and he wasn’t really thrilled about it. Then again, he was awfully curious about how Shinya could have guessed it was him, and maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to have someone in on his secret in case he needed Shinya to cover for him or something.

Shinya turned away towards the mirror, perhaps out of respect for Kyo’s privacy, and started to mess with his hair.

Kyo appreciated not having to change in front of Shinya. It really would have made him feel uncomfortably exposed. Instead, with a swirl of wind and a smell like a toasted marshmallow, he spun himself back into a man while Shinya’s back was turned.

“How the hell did you know it was me?” Kyo demanded, crossing his arms over his chest as soon as he had arms to cross.

Shinya smiled with half his mouth as he looked at him in the mirror. “I believe there is only one being on this earth that emits quite the aura you do,” he said. “Besides, I read animals pretty well, and you just seemed a little bit off.” He turned to face Kyo. “You want to tell me how long you’ve been hiding this little superpower?”

“Not long,” Kyo said, frowning. He wasn’t totally satisfied with Shinya’s explanation, but he also knew it was true that he didn’t quite pass for a real cat in front of other cats, and Shinya was about as close as any human got to understanding real cats and their behaviors. “Only a couple days. It was… a wish, granted by a spirit.”

Shinya’s eyes sparkled in amusement. “You wished for this?”

“Not… intentionally,” Kyo said. “But a cat I met in an alleyway sought to help me with my daily life troubles. At least for a while.”

“It’s temporary?”

“Three days total, then I’m full-time man-Kyo again,” Kyo said, not totally hiding the slight disappointment in his voice.

“That might be for the best, if being a cat part-time means you skip out on rehearsals,” Shinya said pointedly, and Kyo nearly winced.

“Seriously? When do I ever take a day off?”

Shinya smiled at that. “Not often enough. Didn’t ever think I’d have to say I’m glad to see you less inhibited.”

“Context is everything,” Kyo said. “Are you going to… tell the others?”

“Even if I thought they’d believe me, it seems rather personal for me to go sharing,” Shinya said.

“Tomorrow’s my last day of freedom anyway,” Kyo said. “I won’t be missing any more important things.”

Shinya nodded. “Then you should enjoy it.” He started towards the restroom door and then stopped and turned back to Kyo. “So what are you doing _here_ , anyway?”

Kyo looked at the floor in embarrassment. “Um, well.”

“You were coming to see what we’d say about you behind your back.”

Kyo’s mouth nearly dropped open. Was it that obvious?

“I told you, I’m good at reading animals,” Shinya said smugly. “But if you’re coming in with me to do your spying, you’ll have to accept that you might get picked up.”

Kyo gave an irritated little groan, but agreed, and then waited for Shinya to turn his back so he could morph back into a cat.

Shinya looked down at him fondly as he came trotting out of the restroom beside him. When they got back to the door of the rehearsal room, he nodded at Kyo once before going inside.

Die and Toshiya were in the middle of a conversation when they came in, Die seeming agitated about something.

“You should have heard me,” Die was saying, “I sounded so fucking stupid.”

“I’m sure it wasn’t as bad as you think,” Toshiya said.

“I swear it seems like I screw up every time I say anything to him,” Die said.

Kyo stayed behind Shinya, not wanting to be noticed just yet. Surely once they spotted a cat in the room, they would have to make that the new discussion topic, and he didn’t want to interrupt, especially not when Die seemed kind of upset, like maybe he really needed to talk.

To his surprise though, rather than trying to keep _Kyo_ hidden, Shinya seemed to be trying to block Kyo’s _view_ of Die and Toshiya. He kept moving directly in front of him and making uncharacteristically loud noises as he got his station set up, making it hard for Kyo to hear anything they were saying. Kyo shot Shinya an irritated look and crept around behind the drum set, closer to Die for better eavesdropping.

“Like, ‘oh, really, you have nonwork-related plans?’ He probably thought I was saying he didn’t work hard enough—or else that I was making fun of him for not doing stuff _outside_ of work more. Either way it sounded like a criticism!” Die said.

Kyo cocked his head as he listened, confused. Wasn’t that something Die had said to _him_?

“And now he’s out sick, and it looks like I was berating him for taking five fucking minutes to himself, like it’s not already obvious that he works himself too hard,” Die went on, fidgeting restlessly with his hair. “He probably hates me.”

“Die,” Toshiya said, and it was clear he was taking great pains to not roll his eyes, “Kyo doesn’t hate you.”

_Aha!_ They _were_ talking about him!

But why would Die think Kyo hated him? He didn’t feel that way at all! If anything, he felt more comfortable around Die than just about anyone. Inwardly Kyo was kicking himself for once again being such a cold and awkward person that he’d hurt and alienated people he truly cared about.

“Have you asked him lately?” Die said. “Consider this: first line of ‘Aoguroi Hysteria.’” He raised his eyebrows meaningfully.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Toshiya said. “Now you’re just being ridiculous.”

“He’s known for his wordplay!”

“You sound paranoid,” Toshiya assured him.

“What do you think, Shinya?” Die asked.

Kyo looked back over at Shinya, who seemed to be trying to stay out of it, his attention on a binder full of rehearsal notes in front of him.

“You know what I think, Die. We’ve discussed it before,” he said quietly, without looking up.

Kyo slouched even lower on the floor. The band really _did_ talk about him when he wasn’t there, though he didn’t understand why this would be a subject they were focusing on.

“And I told you the same thing,” Toshiya said. “Kyo’s oblivious.”

_Well, sure, to stuff you guys talk about behind my back!_ Kyo thought indignantly.

“And it’s fine if you want him to stay that way, but if you want to stop complaining and do something about it, you have to tell him how you feel,” Toshiya said tiredly.

Kyo’s hackles were suddenly up. He looked back at Shinya again, and saw that he was still staring down at his papers, frowning deeply.

“But it’s not that easy,” Die said, scuffing his boot on the floor. “Half the time when I talk to him I feel like it’s the most natural thing in the world, like no one gets me the way he does, and everything makes sense for once.” He shook his head as he twisted a bracelet around his wrist. Every movement clearly demonstrated the degree of his nervousness talking about this, leaving Kyo unable to even entertain the thought that this might be Die just messing around. “The rest of the time I’m making a complete fool of myself, bragging about my cooking skills when he’s home sick, like what the fuck is wrong with me? He just makes it hard sometimes to… think first.”

“So we’ve heard,” Toshiya muttered.

Kaoru came in just then, finishing up a phone call and looking around at his bandmates. “What’s happened?” he asked as he pocketed his phone.

“Nothing out of the ordinary,” Toshiya said, shooting a look at Die.

“Die’s pining again?” Kaoru said, moving towards his guitar.

“Does it count as ‘again’ if he never stops in-between?” Toshiya mused.

“Die, seriously, you should probably just tell Kyo you love him,” Kaoru said bluntly.

Kyo thought his tiny heart would pop right out of his furry little body. Or at least that the insanely loud pounding of it would alert the others to his presence in the room. Was this a feeling other cats experienced or was it just because he was a human in a cat body? He had so many questions and no one he could really ask, and everything was in his head at once, trying to steer him around what he thought he’d just heard Kaoru say, because Kaoru couldn’t have said that.

“He thinks Kyo secretly hates him and is sneaking subliminal messages into his sukekiyo songs now,” Toshiya said.

Kaoru paused and then laughed. “‘Aoguroi Hysteria’? That’s funny.”

“See!!” Die said, flailing his arms. “He barely even had to think about it!”

“Kyo doesn’t hate you,” Shinya said, and they all turned to look at him. He’d been keeping so quiet that after Kaoru dropped the bomb, even Kyo had hardly remembered he was there.

Die scowled. “Even so…”

“You won’t know anything unless you speak to him directly, and you know very well that with Kyo you _have_ to be direct,” Shinya said. “He won’t believe it otherwise; he’ll think you’re just kidding around.” He looked then over to where Kyo was hiding at the edge of his drums and Kyo knew it was Shinya’s way of assuring him that this was indeed something to be taken seriously.

“But,” Die paused and looked down at his hands. “I’m scared. I don’t know how he’ll react.”

Shinya sighed. “It might not be as badly as you think.”

Kyo started at that. What was Shinya implying? That Kyo would react favorably to a love confession from Die? He couldn’t make such a claim! Die might be drop dead gorgeous and one of the most genuine, fun, and understanding people Kyo had ever known, but that didn’t mean—okay, fine, maybe Kyo had already known he had a bit of a, let’s say, _crush_ on Die, but that didn’t mean he’d said as much to Shinya! How could Shinya possibly have figured that out when he hadn’t even admitted it in so many words in his own mind?

He growled softly as he remembered Shinya’s little taunt of “ _I’m good at reading animals_.”

“Did you hear that?” Toshiya said, looking around.

Uh oh.

“Hear what?” Shinya said.

“Like… someone’s stomach growling,” Toshiya said.

“We just got back from lunch,” Kaoru said.

“You didn’t hear it?” Toshiya asked Die.

Kyo squirmed in his hiding spot, panicking that he was about to be discovered. When he tried to scuttle backwards he tripped over his own feet (how did cats manage to be so graceful when all Kyo could seem to do was fall over??) and thudded loudly against Shinya’s bass drum.

This time, no one was claiming they didn’t hear it, and Toshiya ran to the source, pointing excitedly.

“Holy fuck! There’s a cat in here!” Toshiya said.

“What!” Die scrambled over from the other side, and even Kaoru was craning his neck to see.

Kyo was totally cut off from any escape route.

“How did it get in here?” Kaoru asked, stepping cautiously towards where everyone else was gathered.

“Well, actually, erm, I let it in,” Shinya confessed.

Toshiya looked up at him and then snorted. “Why am I not surprised?”

“I found him in the lobby,” Shinya said. “He seemed… intent to follow me, so I just let him.”

Kyo gave Shinya a dirty look though he wasn’t quite sure how it read coming from a cat.

“Awwww, come here little guy!” Die said, kneeling down and reaching for Kyo.

Kyo arched his back defensively and hissed, but it came out weak and pitiful, and having Die look at him like that after the conversation he had just witnessed made Kyo far too confused to put up much fight as Die scooped him into his arms.

“What a cutie!” Die said, holding Kyo tight to his chest and moving to sit down with him. “We don’t mind you being in here one bit, do we!” He scratched Kyo behind the ears, and Kyo had to admit that wasn’t bad at all. No wonder cats always seemed to like it so much.

He was purring in spite of himself when Kaoru cleared his throat. “We do still have some things I’d like to work through today.”

“And we will, but I don’t think a snuggle break is really gonna kill us,” Die said. “Look how touch-starved this baby is!” He nuzzled his face into Kyo’s fur and Kyo tensed; this was just way too weird. “Aww, I just love youuu!” Die cooed.

And yep, now it was even weirder.

Kyo caught Shinya’s wide eyes, saw him sitting with his hand over his mouth, looking like he was working hard not to laugh. Nope, this needed to stop right about now.

Kyo batted at Die with his paws and wiggled around until he could hop down from his lap and run towards the door. He didn’t miss Die’s disappointed expression, but he did his best to ignore it, turning to scratch at the door and meow to be let out.

“Leaving so soon?” Toshiya said, looking endlessly amused by the whole thing.

“Well, Die was half-smothering him,” Kaoru pointed out.

“I was just loving him!”

“Are you sure you want to go?” Shinya asked as he came over to the door. “We wouldn’t mind you staying for rehearsal if you wanted to just nap through it.”

It felt like another jab at Kyo and how tired he was all the time, even when he should be working, and knowing Shinya, Kyo was pretty sure that’s what it was. Leave it to Shinya to call Kyo out on his shit even when he wasn’t currently human. Honestly he did want to go. He had been interested in observing how a rehearsal went when he wasn’t there, but he didn’t want to get in the way, and now he was feeling pretty freaked out about the whole Die thing. Shinya obviously thought he was being a coward. Maybe he was. Maybe it was typical for him to run the instant he let someone get too close.

With a small, reluctant sound, Kyo turned away from the door and went to settle in the corner to begin cleaning himself thoroughly.

“Wow, Shinya, how did you do that?” Toshiya said curiously.

“He’s just good with animals,” Die said, waving a dismissive hand. “I’m just gonna go wash up real quick.” He went to the door and slipped out carefully, making sure not to open the door wide enough for Kyo to dart out after him.

Kaoru shook his head as Die left. “He is in so deep.”

“He has been!” Toshiya said, finally lifting his bass and getting in position to actually play. “But his chill on the subject is certainly deteriorating.”

“Did you mean what you said?” Kaoru asked Shinya. “You think Kyo might go for it?”

Kyo caught the hopeful look on Toshiya’s face while they waited for Shinya’s answer.

Shinya, for his part, looked uncomfortable with being put on the spot and asked to speak for Kyo, though Kyo had to wonder how much he would be hesitating if he didn’t know Kyo was in the room. “I don’t know anything concrete,” he said at length, and looked seriously at Kaoru. “But I know Kyo. Even if he doesn’t realize it himself, he and Die could—” he cut off as the door opened, signaling Die’s return.

“I’ll have to start looking into how we might wanna spin this,” Kaoru muttered to himself as he turned back to his equipment.

“Hey, before we get started actually rehearsing, there was something I kind of wanted to bring up,” Die said, crossing the room to his own set-up. 

Kaoru looked up and gestured for him to go on.

“I’ve gotten a number of messages from fans, who are deaf or hard of hearing,” Die said. He ran his fingers through his hair as he spoke. “There are a lot of them, actually, and they get a lot out of our music, and I guess, um.” He paused, frowning slightly. “Well, the gist I’ve gotten is that they love watching our DVDs, and that there are so many, but they would really like for us to include closed captions on them.”

Kyo's ears perked up. Something in him was smiling at the idea that Die was trusted enough by fans that they would want to reach out to him with this concern, and more that Die was a passionate and dedicated and decent enough person to bring up the issue to the rest of the band. He had to suppose Die was always this way and he just didn’t pay it much mind usually, but maybe he could admit that he _should_ be paying more attention to things like that.

Kaoru nodded thoughtfully.

“I’ve gotten a couple letters to that effect, too,” Shinya said quietly, like he was somewhat embarrassed he hadn’t been the one to bring it up.

“I know we have a meeting coming up with final notes about the next DVD we’re releasing, and we might not have time to work captions onto that one,” Die said quickly. “But I think it’s important. They’re fans and they support us; we should be supporting them, too.”

“It doesn’t seem like it should be something too extra to ask that we prioritize,” Toshiya said. “I’m definitely here for it.”

“So am I,” Shinya said. He cast a discreet glance towards where Kyo was sitting up, listening attentively, and added, “I feel confident Kyo would vote in favor of working on getting closed captions included as well.”

“I agree,” Kaoru said, nodding again. “I’ll make sure we talk about it at the next meeting, and that our strong, unified support as a band is voiced.”

“Thank you,” Die said with a small bow, before going about properly readying his guitar.

It wasn’t long after that that they finished any tuning and checking of levels, and started on their real rehearsal. It was strange to watch. Kyo had certainly seen the rest of the band rehearse before without really participating, but never when they were operating so much as if he weren’t there. Well, as far as most of them were concerned, he supposed he wasn’t. 

Kaoru stopped them often, strict about minute details that Kyo thought he never would have noticed personally. Yet for all his demands, Kyo could only think how tight they were as a unit, how fluidly they bounced off each other. He almost wondered if he didn’t bring the whole group down a few notches when he came into the picture. Perhaps they were better off without him.

The only giveaway that they weren’t meant to perform just like this, without any vocals on top, was Die’s occasional habit of vaguely singing Kyo’s part in the spaces where its absence was especially prominent. It made Kyo’s whiskers twitch like he wanted to be smiling again. He was kind of moved that Die was able to keep Kyo’s vocals in mind even while he was so focused on his own instrument and playing it so flawlessly.

It wasn’t often that Kyo got to really sit and appreciate his bandmates’ talent without any expectation (or ability) to comment or even jump in, and he found his affection for all of them growing the longer he watched. There was a pride swelling in him seeing the way they worked together like this, and he thought he’d have to be sure to loudly reaffirm his appreciation for each of them and all of them when he came back tomorrow as a human.

The band got to a bit with a tricky rhythmic change, one where the music was doing something completely off the beat from the vocals, and as Kyo ran through them in his mind he found he could just barely hear Die humming the part as well—something he didn’t think he’d pick up without his feline senses.

Abruptly, they got off from each other and Die made a noise of frustration as Kaoru called for them to stop.

“It’s just weird without him here,” Die grumbled, fidgeting with his guitar, running through fingerings without making any sound.

“Come on, we’ve rehearsed without Kyo’s vocals plenty of times,” Kaoru said gently.

“Still,” Die said, and shrugged awkwardly.

“Just think of it like we’re playing a karaoke track,” Kaoru suggested.

“Are there little buttons on the console I can use to change the tempo, make Shinya speed up and slow down?” Toshiya asked with a grin. “Ooh, or we can modulate the key in the middle of a line?”

“No, then it becomes some experimental genre; we might lose fans,” Shinya said solemnly.

“All right, now you guys are just being jackasses,” Kaoru said, though he was smiling a bit. “Fine, don’t think of it as karaoke then. Just think of it as us using this time to the best of our ability, so we can be prepared for Kyo when he’s back tomorrow and we can be the strongest possible as a group.”

Kyo felt a surge of guilt as the others nodded and started back in a few bars before where they’d gotten off from each other. Here he was, physically well, perfectly capable of being there and working with his bandmates, and instead he was lazing about and watching for no reason other than his selfish desire for a day off. They were all here committing to the music 100% and he was being a complete slacker. He’d grown so tired he hadn’t even been paying Dir en grey as much mind as he should have when he _wasn’t_ off moonlighting as a cat. He needed to dedicate himself more properly when he got back tomorrow, needed to show his band how much he cared about them and about what they did together.

He watched the rest of the rehearsal with a determination to get as much out of it as he could in his current state, so he could come in the next day feeling like he was on exactly the same page as everyone else.

As soon as they’d finished, Die put down his guitar and came back over to where Kyo had curled up on a chair near Shinya’s drums, smiling as he set to petting him again. 

Kyo snapped his teeth at Die’s fingers as he tried to stroke the fur between his eyes, but Die only laughed went back to rubbing his belly. “Wish I could just take you home with me,” Die said. “Wonder where you came from anyway.”

Kyo had no idea how to deal with this kind of affection, especially now, and he looked hopefully over at where Shinya was packing up his things and getting ready to leave. He would still like to have a word with Shinya after everything that had happened, and uncomfortable as he was, he was going to have to stick it out until Shinya was ready to go.

Luckily it was only a few minutes later that Shinya was calling out polite goodbyes to the rest of the group and coming to the door. Kyo sped after him and away from Die, waiting impatiently to be let out into the hall.

Once Shinya let him out, Kyo headed straight for the bathroom they’d talked in before rehearsal, glancing once over his shoulder to make sure Shinya was following him.

Shinya pushed the door to the men’s room open, and Kyo only waited long enough to be certain the coast was clear before he let the magic swirl around him and he stood there as a man, glaring at Shinya.

“What the fuck, Shinya? _Die_?”

Shinya looked unsurprised, and just shrugged.

“You guys knew— _all_ of you knew,” Kyo said. “How do you not tell me something like that?”

“It wasn’t our place,” Shinya said simply. “We’ve all been encouraging him for months to confess his feelings for you, but that’s the best we can do.”

“ _Months_? The whole band has been keeping this from me all that time?" He didn't linger on that point too long given the deception he'd just pulled on the group, sitting through half a rehearsal in disguise. Besides, there was a more pressing matter, as far as he was concerned. "And what you said,” Kyo said, “About… how I would take it…”

“Am I wrong?”

Kyo frowned. He knew Shinya wasn’t wrong about how he felt about Die; he was just more perceptive on the matter than Kyo was himself. “Even if you’re not, how is saying that so much better than telling me about Die’s interest in _me_ , hmm?”

Shinya smiled at that. “Well, now he knows, and you know too. So what are you going to do about it?”

Oh. And maybe that was the other reason no one had let Kyo in on this information; he didn't have the first idea how to act on it now that he had it. He couldn’t very well go striding up to Die with some a-little-birdie-told-me-you-have-a-crush-on-me bullshit, and yet it felt dishonest to approach him without stating that he was aware of Die’s feelings on the subject. Plus Kyo was just working it all out now, and Die had been keeping these feelings from him for how long? Shinya had said they’d been encouraging him for months, but then Die had probably known even longer than that.

“Fine,” Kyo said. “I’ll give him to the end of the week to come to me, and if he hasn’t by then, I’ll make my own move.”

Shinya seemed pleased with this plan of action. “Was there anything else you needed to discuss?” he asked, hovering with his hand on the door.

Really, Kyo had a lot more questions about Die; how long exactly Shinya had known, what kind of things Die had mentioned to him, what had given away that Kyo _returned_ his feelings… but he opted to let it go. Maybe sometime in the next week, if Die actually came and spoke to him, he could get those answers from Die himself, which would be a great deal more satisfying anyway.

He shrugged and shook his head, then took a moment to shift back into a cat, and followed Shinya out of the restroom.

As they made their exit, they passed Toshiya on his way in. He blinked at Kyo and gave Shinya a weird look, but didn’t comment.

“So what are your plans for the rest of the day?” Shinya asked as he headed for the elevator.

Kyo chirped quietly. He was planning on doing a bit more people-watching, and then turning in early. If possible he was hoping to get some work done that he’d been avoiding the past couple days but that he’d like to have ready for tomorrow. This whole cat thing had been a nice holiday, but he was ready to get back to full functionality, if only so he didn’t feel like such a tool flaking out on his bandmates.

“Keeping it pretty casual?” Shinya said.

Kyo wasn’t sure if he actually expected some response or if he was just talking for the sake of talking. They got into the elevator and Kyo rested one paw on Shinya’s pant-leg.

Shinya sighed. “I know you don’t want to hear it, but you really are pretty cute. Not like what I might have expected you to look like as a cat.”

Kyo tilted his head curiously.

“I might have thought you’d end up one of those ones with the angry, squashed-in faces,” Shinya said. “Or a munchkin cat with tiny little legs.”

Kyo let his claws out a little, snagging the fabric of Shinya’s slacks.

“Just telling you what I thought!” Shinya said. “Not that I’d put a great deal of consideration into the matter. Now I think I’ll have to really take some time to think about everyone I know and their potential animal forms…”

Obviously that was a ridiculous task to spend time on, and yet Kyo couldn’t be surprised at all that it was something Shinya would think of.

When the elevator reached the ground floor, Kyo eagerly scampered out, rushing through the lobby and out the front doors. He hopped up onto a low wall in front of the building and turned to wait for Shinya, who came out after him with his phone raised.

Before Kyo could object, Shinya was snapping a series of photos of him. “Trust me, you’ll want to have these,” Shinya assured him. “Years from now you’ll be able to be sure it wasn’t all a dream.”

Shinya had a point with that, so Kyo allowed it, posing for a few more shots and even letting Shinya take a selfie with him. From there Shinya said goodbye and that he’d see him tomorrow, and took off in his own direction, leaving Kyo alone.

Kyo embraced the opportunity since he was already in this part of town to bop around and observe the people in this busier area. He managed to meow pitifully enough outside of a McDonald’s that someone who came out offered him half their burger, which he devoured eagerly. The look on the stranger’s face indicated that they were somewhat disturbed, but didn’t find it all that bizarre.

From there, he briefly entertained the notion of going to bother some of his sukekiyo bandmates if he could find them. He always enjoyed teasing Yuchi, and he wondered if Uta would make more sense to him as a cat than he did as a human, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to brave the metro trying to get to them, and instead followed around an elderly woman, who seemed to be a tourist, walking with her adult son. When she noticed Kyo, she called him “handsome,” rather than “cute,” and perhaps it was for this reason that Kyo felt oddly protective of her and didn’t stop tailing her and her son until they got into a taxi.

It was a peaceful afternoon, and Kyo waited until the worst of the crowds had passed through the train stations before sneaking his way back onto one towards home. This time he was in less danger of getting hit by a stampede of businessmen, and no one in his train car questioned the small cat who was acting like this was a perfectly regular occurrence. He made it home without any trouble and almost sighed when he came in through his kitchen window and found his utterly mundane apartment waiting for him, nothing to suggest there was anything magical going on in his life at all.

He shifted back into human form and got into the shower, letting his mind run over the weirdness of the day as the water ran over his body. The whole thing with Die was honestly throwing him off a bit more than he’d like to admit. It wasn’t exactly that he had a problem with Die thinking of him that way; he just felt like such a fool for not noticing, for never even _considering_ it. Had there been clues there all along and he was too wrapped up in his own selfish thoughts to register them? He looked forlornly down at himself in the shower and had an unfamiliar feeling of… _wrong_ ness.

Kyo hadn’t ever really had any issues with his body image; for a while he had struggled with being so small, and so skinny on top of that, but he had simply taken matters into his own hands and started training, building muscle enough that people were a little less likely to dismiss him as cute and tiny, and to instead see a bit more power there. It was foreign, but now that he’d spent the past couple days part-time as a cat, his regular body felt… off. He looked down at his body, stared at his hands, and couldn’t quite tell that they were his own. They felt like someone else’s limbs, like a body he was inside but disconnected from. It was disorienting and uncomfortable and he added it to the short but growing list of reasons he would actually be glad when this spell had ended.

He finished his shower quickly, feeling generally weird about everything, physically and mentally. He pulled on some sleep pants and sat down in front of his laptop with a sigh that spoke of his layers of exhaustion. He brought up the work he wanted to do for sukekiyo on his computer and looked at it for all of a few seconds before whipping out his phone and opening up his messages. He started scrolling through all his past conversations with Die from the past several months, hunting for hints or clues.

Kyo pursed his lips as he examined his most recent chat with Die. He’d seen the offer to help with his sickness and bring him keihan as _motherly_ , but maybe that wasn’t the tone that had been intended. None of the rest of the band had reached out to him like that, offered to come bring him something just to make him feel better. It was... _sweet_ , but Kyo hadn’t even seen it as that. He just wasn’t conditioned to recognize people offering to do things for him as a sign that they cared. He’d seen Die as doing something that he would do for any member of the band in his attempt to mother them, but maybe that just meant Kyo wasn’t as observant as he liked to think he was.

 

He’d spent an hour reading through the old text messages (most of them several times) when he got a new message from Kaoru and was forced to confront the present.

It was a simple check-in, making sure Kyo was feeling better and would be able to attend tomorrow’s rehearsal.

Kyo wrote back, assuring Kaoru that he felt considerably healed, though the truth of his claim was dubious. He confirmed that he would be there on time the next day, and tossed in an apology for any negative impact he might have had on the band’s productivity today. That bit of the message was a lot more honest.

He exited out of the app feeling defeated and with no greater understanding of the Die issue than when he’d first taken out his phone. He finally shifted his focus to his work, getting through it nearly on autopilot. He would have to revisit any serious artistic choices he was making at a later point.

He headed to bed not long after that, and his dreams did little to offer comfort. There were teeth everywhere, giant teeth surrounding him, closing in on him, ready to devour him alive. Actually it was a bit like that scene in _Star Wars_ where they're in the garbage chute and the walls start closing in. But just as he felt he was going to be crushed, the teeth seemed to form an enormous, still terrifying, smile around him.

The guitars were back again as well, but this time they were acoustic, something delicate and nurturing, and though they still played in a language he couldn’t fathom, he knew inherently that it was Die speaking to him, and he spent most of the dream looking for the source of the music, seeking Die so he could know whatever he was trying to tell him.

He still hadn't found him when his alarm started going off in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He's got one day left before the spell ends! Midnight on this, the third day, is when it's all over; what can he accomplish before then??


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, but I did want to post it in case the next one's not ready for a while!

It felt like an age had passed since Kyo had first been granted his shapeshifting powers, and by now he had started to wonder how they might have changed him as a person. Perhaps the experience had given him some perspective on how he was neglecting his bandmates, in more ways than one, and reminded him what was really important to him, but much as he enjoyed the freedom and invisibility, Kyo was relieved to know he wouldn’t carry the responsibility of those powers much longer. He would be happy to just be himself again, to commit himself to his work, his art, and his loved ones.

He was still feeling tired, raw and unsettled emotionally, as he got ready to leave the house. Before he had to be at the studio, he would have time for one more cat romp around the city, and he was determined to let it clear his mind of all the confuddled things rolling around in his head. He would just enjoy it for what it was, for the speed and the flight and the anonymity, something like being a superhero without any of the world-saving duties, and then he’d have some final memories to look back on fondly when it was all over.

He left his bag with work things by the door, ready to just grab and walk out with when he returned from his ventures, and went to look in the mirror, just to study himself once more before he transformed. He still remembered how wrong his body had felt and looked the night before, and wondered whether the spell was having some lasting physical effect on him. Did even his human self look more like a cat now than when he’d started in this? He ran his fingertips lightly over his cheek, tracing the lines of his face thoughtfully. All in all, he kind of thought _Die_ reminded him more of a cat than he did, with that prominent philtrum and that cheshire grin… He shuddered as he remembered the teeth in his dream and registered that they, like the guitars, were most likely a manifestation of how hung up on Die his thoughts were.

Kyo let out a little huff of frustration. Even now, Die was at the forefront of his mind, despite how he was trying not to let those thoughts overwhelm him. Right now was a time for being a cat and enjoying it, not sorting through the intimidating laundry pile of emotions that was everything to do with Die. That could all be dealt with later, but this was his last chance to enjoy everything the enchantment afforded him.

He spared one final glance at the mirror and then closed his eyes and felt the air rise and settle around him as the magic did its work. He looked in the mirror again when he opened his eyes, cocking his head as he took in his feline reflection there. He had to think he was actually pretty glad he’d let Shinya take those pictures since he never did get to really see all of what he looked like, and he was the kind person who normally had ample opportunities to see himself from an outside perspective.

Maybe he could ask Shinya to let him see them today when they were at the studio. Or maybe Shinya would just offer to show them to him without him having to ask, and spare him the slight humiliation of appearing so eager. That seemed like the kind of thing Shinya might be ready to do. He didn’t have any particular reason currently to want to humiliate Kyo as far as Kyo knew.

He walked purposefully away from the mirror and out of his bedroom, following the familiar set of jumps and hops to the kitchen window over the sink. He nudged it open enough to squeeze through, and stood on the narrow ledge on the outside of the building for a few minutes, just enjoying the breeze, knowing this wasn’t something he would be able to really experience anymore after today.

He took his time with the morning’s explorations, going at a leisurely pace, and stopping frequently to fully appreciate the perspective from which he could see, hear, and smell things. He climbed higher than he had typically dared, looking down at the city from taller buildings and letting himself feel small and insignificant. He breathed in the air of the city and promptly sneezed.

Did that mean his bandmates were discussing him again? He wondered whether that kind of thing happened to cats every time a family praised something cute they did, or was this just because he was a human originally? _Um, never mind that the entire notion is just a myth anyway._ Maybe it was his allergies acting up…

He revisited a few of his favorite spots as he made his rounds, places he’d discovered were especially peaceful and pleasant to see as a cat. He took the time to stop at a temple he was fond of, and thanked whatever gods allowed him to live the life he wanted and to carry on making art and music freely. The people there paid him no mind and he savored it.

As the morning dwindled, he started back towards home before he would go to the studio, and on the way, he made one more stop at one of his favorite parks, casually watching some people in various modes between relaxation and bustling. He was sorely tempted to mark his territory somewhere, just to have done it, but dismissed it as some intrusive feline instinct, and instead settled on lounging in the grass and letting the sun warm him comfortably as he rested. 

He dozed here and there but was careful not to let himself fall fully asleep, only closing his eyes for a few minutes at a time.

He’d just closed them again when he heard someone say, “Awwwww, look at the kitty! It’s so cuuuuute!!”

Kyo slit his eyes open, ready to growl at whomever was approaching him, but it was two small children, presumably siblings, and he decided to be forgiving.

“Look how fluffy!” The little girl said, tiptoeing closer to him.

“You know mom said we’re not supposed to touch weird animals!” her older brother reminded her.

“Aww, but look at this baby; he’s not weird!”

_Oh child, you have no idea_ , Kyo thought to himself.

Tentatively, she reached out one small hand and petted him, just a gentle noninvasive stroke down his back. When he didn’t hiss or bite or react in another unfavorable manner, she grinned at her brother and settled in to pet Kyo more confidently.

“Is he out here alone?” she wondered after another minute.

“He doesn’t have tags or anything,” her brother said. “He’s probably a stray.”

The frown on her round little face was almost cartoonish. “Poor baby!!”

Kyo twitched his tail, somewhat annoyed at being referred to repeatedly as a _baby_.

“He’s so soft, Kaito,” she said then, and there was so much wonder in her voice that Kyo couldn’t help but regret that he would never have the opportunity to feel how soft his own coat was.

“Look at his toes,” Kaito said, prodding at one of Kyo’s hind feet. “They’re like little beans.”

Kyo yanked his foot away and tucked it under his body protectively.

“Bean toes, bean toes!” the little girl started chanting amidst a flood of giggles, and she got hold of his two front paws, squeezing them more.

Kyo was showing a great deal of restraint as he continued not slashing his claws across either of these small children’s faces. He didn’t want them touching him at all, and the way they were fondling his paws made him wholly uncomfortable, but he just flattened his ears back against his head and tensed his whole body, hoping they would take the hint that their groping was unwelcome.

“I know mom would be telling us it’s dangerous to touch a strange cat’s feet like this,” the boy said. “But he’s so mellow.”

“And he’s out here all alone,” the little girl said. She stood up then, with a determined look that seemed out of place on her chubby, youthful face, and her brother glanced up at her while he set his hand to stroking Kyo’s back, slowly and inoffensively.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“I’ll be right back,” the girl said, and she scampered off.

“Don’t go too far, Ai-chan!” Kaito called after her, though he stayed where he was.

Kyo was struck by the words, remembering Die’s similar ones to him, when he had expressed his wanting to _slip away_. 

How had he failed to notice how Die was always there for him? Die had never really hidden how he cared for Kyo; it was just that Kyo had never bothered to interpret it and see that caring for what it was. He’d taken it for granted and refused to see how deeply his own feelings reflected Die’s, leading to him never treating Die half as well as he deserved. When had he ever offered Die that kind of care in return?

Kyo relaxed his body ever so slightly as Kaito kept petting him, his mind in another realm entirely. Countless times, Die had made a point to take care of Kyo, to reach out to him even before Kyo realized he needed it, and Kyo was wracking his brain trying to think of even _once_ that he’d paid Die that same consideration.

Kyo knew he had a tendency to get so submerged in his own mind, his own work, that he tuned out much of the world around him, and perhaps there were times he could have been there for Die, _should_ have been there, even as a friend, and hadn’t realized Die was suffering. The thought filled him with guilt; he was angry with himself, but on the bright side, it didn’t seem to be the kind of self-loathing he usually let himself sink into. This was something built to motivate him, to spur him into action, and he saw with the utmost clarity that he needed to be there for Die from now on. Starting today, he would let Die know just how much Die could rely on him, how he’d always been available, whether it showed or not.

Kaito’s voice stirred him from his thoughts as he said, “Ai-chan, where did you find that?”

Before Kyo could turn blinking eyes towards her, everything went black.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh right, well here's what happens next

It was impossible not to panic. Even with his cat eyes, more keen in low lighting, it didn’t do any good if there was no light at all, and as Kyo pawed desperately at the darkness surrounding him, he found he was totally walled in.

Cardboard. Of course.

He gave an undignified yowl as the box that had been slammed down over him jostled and shifted, flipping him upside-down and then lifting into the air.

Panic continued its rampant ascent up his throat as he registered that he was being carried, that he was being _taken_ somewhere. He raised his voice, letting out the loudest and most irate meows he could manage.

“Poor baby, he’s crying!!” He heard the little girl's voice from outside his prison. “It’s okay, little fluffers, we’re gonna take you home!”

_Home?_ Not to Kyo’s home!These out of control children were trying to take Kyo to their _own_ home! Kyo realized, as he scrabbled frantically at the cardboard above and below him, that he was being _kidnapped_. He needed to get to the studio! He didn’t have time for this kind of detour.

He could hear sounds of traffic outside and was dimly horrified to think he had no idea where they were going. He couldn’t even see where exactly these deranged little youths were tottering off to with him, and he was totally helpless. Kyo screamed for help, more pitiful meows escaping him.

“Shh, shh, it’s okay, we’ve got you,” the boy’s voice assured him.

_Yeah, that’s why it’s not fucking okay!_

“Mom’s gonna freak out,” he heard Kaito say then.

“But she’s always talking about proving we can be responsible! When she sees how good we are at taking care of him, I’m sure she’ll let us keep him!” Ai-chan returned.

_Keep_ him?? Something beyond panic was seizing Kyo now. He had to get out of here and fast. After a half-second’s deliberation, he decided it didn’t even matter if these kids witnessed his transformation; the situation was dire enough that he would just have to go for it, and maybe, sad as it was, people wouldn’t believe such an outrageous story from such small children anyway.

He set to focusing his energies back towards human, but he couldn’t seem to push past the panic flooding his entire system. The box he was in continued to jostle, and there was honest-to-god _terror_ swimming through his veins, and he just could not calm down. The sweetly burnt smell of the magic would start to gather around him, but then his concentration would be broken as the voice of one of his captors would cut through his thoughts:

“Stop shaking the box so much! You’re gonna make him sick!”

“I’m not shaking it on purpose; he keeps moving around!”

“If he barfs, you’re gonna be the one cleaning it up!!”

“Ewww, that’s not fair! You wanted to keep him too!!”

Kyo clenched his eyes shut tighter, trying to block the voices out and go into a zone like he might before he went on stage, letting himself be grounded and open—but inevitably some panicked thought or another would shake him from his meditation (or maybe it was just the cardboard box shaking?), and he tried to calm himself with the idea that as soon as they arrived wherever they were going and their backs were turned, he could shapeshift his way to escape.

That didn’t stop him from making as much noise as possible as they traveled, just in case the attention he attracted would cause the kids to give up their plan and let him run free. How late was it already? He should have been home by now; rehearsal would be starting soon and his bandmates would all think he’d let them down.

And he _had_ let them down! Letting himself get into this ridiculous situation. He clung to the thread still in his mind saying he’d be there as soon as possible, and started trying to work out his excuse for his tardiness. Something about the trains? Relapse of his illness? That might work…

He started to kind of float outside of his furry little body as he rocked in this cardboard box, the vague sounds of the siblings’ bickering his most prominent soundtrack. He was still dimly aware of who he was, where he was, but it was too _impossible_ to latch onto properly, and if he really let that fear of what was happening sink in, he might not be able to pull himself back out of it, so he didn’t fight the defensive dissociation his brain was aiming for, and only really came back to himself when he heard a gate open and close, and realized they were nearing their destination.

He started meowing again, loudly displaying his agitation, and the little girl shushed him. 

“We’re almost home, kitty. But you hafta be quiet till after we talk to mom about you!” she said.

“She’s gonna be mad at us either way,” Kaito said.

“Still, it’s better for her to be prepared before he just starts yellin’ at her!”

“Yeah, he meows a _lot_. He didn’t seem like such a noisy cat when we were back at the park.”

“I thought cats were supposed to be pretty quiet.”

Kyo only upped his volume, hoping it would make him so unattractive as a potential pet (since to his great disturbance, that was clearly what they had in mind for him) that they might let him go.

Instead he heard a door unlocking and some shifting around before both children were calling out, “Tadaima!”

“Okaeri!” came a woman’s voice in response.

Kyo was howling, dragging his claws across the cardboard and begging the universe to let him free, but whoever was holding the box gave it a violent little shake, and said, “ _Shhh!!_ ” so sharply that Kyo was afraid for a moment they might actually hurt him.

“Where have you two been?” The woman’s voice drew closer. “It’s past lunchtime!”

“Sorry, mom,” the boy said, and from the sound of it, his sister was the one carrying the box. Kyo wasn’t surprised; for one so small, she seemed to have a definite cruel streak. Certainly she wasn’t suited to have an animal of her own to care for.

“We actually found something… well, we wanted to talk to you about it,” the boy said.

“Oh?” The mother sounded appropriately suspicious. “What’s that?”

“You know how you always want us to have more responsibility…”

“Mmhmm…”

“And you say until we do, we can’t be ready for a pet…”

“Kaito,” the mother said, her tone warning.

“He was all alone, mama!!” the little girl burst out suddenly, and Kyo rolled in his box as Ai-chan ran towards her mother.

“Oh goodness, what did you bring home?!”

“He might be kind of shy, but he’s seriously the sweetest thing,” Kaito said hurriedly, and finally the top of the box was being worked open, cracks of light filtering down onto Kyo.

The mother gasped and Kyo hissed, baring his teeth at the whole family. He should never have let down his guard enough for the kids to get so close in the first place, and now he certainly wouldn’t be taken in like this without a fight.

“Tsk, stop that!” the little girl scolded. “He’s just a big baby, really.”

“Doesn’t look all that big,” the mother said, raising an eyebrow. She looked exactly as Kyo would have imagined her looking; well put-together and not a hair out of place, something inherently judgmental in the line of her jaw. He disliked her instantly. “Is he even full-grown?”

Kyo growled, his back arched as he tried to sink lower into the box and keep them from reaching out towards him.

Kaito made a vague _I don’t know_ noise, and thrust his hand fearlessly into the box to scratch behind Kyo’s ears.

Kyo jerked his head and snapped at Kaito’s hand ferociously, but he was too afraid of really hurting the kid to get his claws on him.

“He acts feral,” the mother said. “Where did you even find him? I don’t think this one is going to make a good pet.”

The hope that surged up in Kyo at these words was smothered quickly as the little girl started… _sniffling_. He turned to glare at her and found her _crying_ , hiccuping exaggeratedly, and he was torn between shock and outrage. It was so obviously fake, and yet her mother came rushing to get her arms around her, murmuring comfort and reassurances.

“Well, we can certainly give him a trial run at least,” the mother said, and Kyo could have cried (or he could have if he _could_ have). “First things first, if you’re going to have a pet, and you found this little guy outside, you’ll need to give him a bath.”

Kyo was kind of surprised that at this point he could feel _further_ outraged. He used the emotional momentum to launch himself out of the box, uncaring of where he landed, and ended up on the kitchen floor.

The family was startled and then everyone was shouting at once, trying to cut off any path of escape he might find, and maybe Kyo should have expected how scary it would be to have three humans, significantly larger than he was in his current state and familiar with the grounds that were entirely new to him, literally chasing him and getting him surrounded, but he wasn’t prepared for it at all, and he was sure for a moment that he was going to die just from the stress it must be putting on his heart.

He managed to dart past the little boy, through the kitchen door and into the hall, all the way down to the bedroom clearly belonging to the siblings, complete with bunk bed. There were some storage tubs under the bed, but Kyo squeezed between them and pressed himself against the wall as far from the room’s entrance as possible, trying to catch his breath. 

What was he going to do now? In the unlikely event that he was safe and they couldn’t get him out of here, the space was still too cramped for him to return to his human form, even if he could calm down enough to concentrate. He would just have to hope that eventually they would give up, and then he would have an opportunity to creep out from his hiding spot, and get the fuck out of here.

Though he still didn’t know where he was. And how was he going to get out of the house even? Was there a window he could get out through? He hadn’t really taken stock of his resources and escape routes when he’d been out in the house before and he was really kicking himself now for not having paid better attention.

If he could change back into a human before leaving the house, he could just make his exit through the front door—as long as he could do it without anyone seeing him. The last thing he needed was some news story about the vocalist of metal/visual kei bands Dir en grey and sukekiyo breaking into some sweet little nuclear family’s home for no feasible reason at all. That could be the end of his and all his colleagues’ careers, and he wasn’t going to destroy everything for them that way. Stealth was of the utmost importance.

The little girl was calling to him now, shaking some kind of food container like it would lure him out of his hiding spot. He could just make out her form where she crouched at the foot of the bed, trying to reach him. If she thought that would work to bring him out of here, she was sadly mistaken. He wasn’t coming out for any reason, not until he was sure the coast was clear of any humans,

This was just what he would have to do: wait until they were gone, and he could safely come out, shapeshift, and sneak out of the house without ever being seen. It was daunting, but not impossible. He could do it. He would need all his concentration, but he could do it.

Only he didn’t have all his concentration, because he couldn’t really remember when he’d eaten this morning, and just what exactly did that little girl _have_ in that food container? He wasn’t sure what it was, but it smelled good. Better than it should.

No! It would never sway him!! He stayed where he was and ran through details of his plan again and again, trying to keep his focus on something he could control, trying to keep the panic still threatening to overwhelm him at bay, at least somewhat.

The kids started rotating in shifts. The boy traded places with the girl, jingling something with a bell in it as if Kyo might be curious enough about the sound to be tricked into coming out. Kyo had a moment of pity for the cats that kind of deception worked on.

Then the girl was back, with food again. Some kind of meat, and he could _see_ the steam rising off of it, and next time he got kidnapped he would really need to make sure he ate a hearty meal beforehand because he could almost feel his resolve crumbling already.

The family was all whispering to each other now and he couldn’t make out what they were saying, but it still scared him. This whole day he’d been more scared than he had been in years, and at the hands of a couple of children. Who’d have thought? On the bright side, he supposed his pride wouldn’t take much of a hit since it wasn’t really a situation he could explain to anyone.

That thought just led him back to the rehearsal he was sure he was missing right now. Maybe it was even over by this time; he wasn’t sure just how long he'd been hiding under this bed. If he was trapped here much longer, he would miss the meeting he was supposed to have with his sukekiyo bandmates too. And none of them would understand why he’d ditched.

He thought miserably of his phone sitting in his apartment, of the countless calls and messages he had to have missed by now, and how confused and worried everyone would be, having gotten no reply. He wondered if Shinya would have had the sense to cover for him, or if he’d be just as worried as the others. Die was probably losing his mind.

But then again, they’d all be right to be worried! This wasn’t Kyo just off gallivanting as a cat like he had been yesterday; he’d been _kidnapped_! Perhaps a rescue mission was in order! Except he had no way of contacting anyone to get them to _come_ to his rescue, and he still didn’t know where he was.

The bed overhead creaked, drawing him from his thoughts, and he looked up to see Kaito peering at him through the crack between the bed and the wall.

“I see him!” Kaito cried.

“Quick, grab him!” his mother’s voice came from further out in the room where Kyo couldn’t see her.

Before Kyo had a chance to react, Kaito was reaching down and grabbing him by the scruff of his neck, and oh geez, that felt so weird. Kyo didn’t like it at all, and he meowed to show his discomfort, but he couldn’t really reach enough to struggle out of the boy’s grip, and he was yanked up through the narrow space where the bed was against the wall, and released back into the cardboard box from before, the top flaps closed firmly over him.

“You got him, you got him!” Ai-chan cheered.

“Now don’t let him get away again,” the mother warned. “Take him into the bathroom, check for fleas, and we’ll get that bath going for him. I’m going to call your father and have him pick up some things for our guest here on his way home.”

“Guest? He’s part of the family!” Ai-chan’s voice was all determination once again. If she was like this at age six, Kyo could only imagine the force to be reckoned with she would be as an adult.

“We’ll see,” her mother answered, apparently unbothered by the child’s unfailing stubbornness. 

Kyo could hear her on the phone a moment later, listing equipment they would need with a cat in the house, none of it appealing to Kyo in the least. A collar? There was zero chance of them getting him to wear that. Nor was he likely to use a litter box or eat kitty kibble. What he’d liked about being a cat was the freedom, and nothing about this domesticated bullshit was something for which he was interested in sticking around. He reminded himself that he would be long gone before they could ever expect him to find enjoyment with what the father would be bringing home. The next time they let him out of their sight for an instant, he would be out of there.

That is, if they _ever_ actually managed to let him out of their sight again. He was forced to endure being bathed rather clumsily by the children, though he didn’t show so much restraint that they weren’t both well-covered in scratches up their arms and doused head to toe in sudsy water as he thrashed as much as possible in the bathtub.

The kids’ mother eyed them suspiciously as she came into the bathroom. Ai-chan had just succeeded in getting Kyo all swaddled in a towel, and Kaito was working first aid for the both of them, band-aid wrappers strewn everywhere. 

“You were at least _trying_ to bathe the _cat_ , right? Not just having a water fight?” their mother asked as she pulled more towels out of the cupboard to mop up the puddles on the floor.

“He didn’t like the water,” Kaito said.

“Many cats don’t,” his mother said.

“Yeah, but he really hated it. A lot,” Ai-chan said. “Maybe he drowned in a past life or something.”

“Maybe. Whatever his past life was, if he’s going to be your cat in this one, you’d better get him presentable before your father gets home. And get yourselves presentable too.”

Kyo let out another unhappy yowl by which he meant to express he was certainly not going to be their cat in this life, because he was quite busy enough with splitting his time between two bands and everything else, but they didn’t seem to understand him, and just rubbed under his chin fondly. What he wouldn’t have given to have Shinya there to translate for him

“You didn’t find any fleas? I’d just as soon not bring those into the house,” the mother said then.

Kyo made an indignant sort of noise at the suggestion. Even during his time as a cat he wasn’t going around picking up stuff like fleas.

“Nope! For being a stray, he seems pretty clean,” Kaito said.

“Especially after his bath!” Ai-chan added proudly.

“Well good, let’s keep him that way. Now you two had better get to cleaning up; I’ve already started dinner cooking.”

“Yes, mom,” the children chorused, and Kyo had to commend her for running a tight ship without apparently sacrificing any kindness. Maybe he would respect her, if he didn’t think the kids she was raising had sprung from hell itself.

As the children went about cleaning up the aftermath of the bath, they still refused to set Kyo down for even just a minute. They took turns holding him and finger-combing through his fur as if searching again for fleas, while the other changed into dry clothes or cleaned cat hair out of the bath drain.

They had dragged him into the living room with them by the time the father came home. He seemed to be a fairly traditional Japanese businessman, perhaps a bit taller than average, and with a cheerful enough disposition.

“So where is the little critter?” he wanted to know as soon as he walked in the door.

The children were all too happy to provide him with his answer, lifting Kyo uncomfortably high in the air to show him off. He growled and bared his teeth.

“Ooh, he’s kinda feisty, huh? He do all that to you guys?” the father asked, pointing to the bandages and scratches covering most of the siblings’ arms.

“He wasn’t a fan of the bath,” Kaito stated.

“Well, we’ll break him of that, no worries!”

Kyo didn’t like the sound of that at all. He didn’t want to be broken in any fashion. Was this whole family sinister and evil, or had he just never noticed before that normal families were terrifying if you looked at them from the right angle? At least he wouldn’t be here long enough for them to actually try and manipulate his behavior, but he supposed he had better not make too much trouble in the meantime just to be on the safe side.

The father showed them what all he’d brought home, including an exceedingly small pet carrier, which the siblings immediately put all their efforts into forcing Kyo into. Contrary to his earlier thoughts about not making trouble, he resisted as much as possible, but was no match for them once their father got involved, so much larger and more imposing than Kyo could hope to be, even if he was in human form. They latched the little door on it and let out a collective exclamation of triumph.

Now Kyo was actually effectively in a cage. He had no hope of transforming in there, even if he could settle his nerves enough to try, which wasn’t likely to happen any time soon. It seemed more likely that he would start vomiting out of sheer panic, but he knew if he did, they would just leave him in there with it in the already confined space, and he supposed he should be glad after all that his stomach was relatively empty.

As the family settled down in the very same room to eat their dinner, Kyo fully accepted the fact that these people were monsters. There was no other way they could live with themselves like this.

Throughout the meal, Ai-chan tried to slip little bits of meat from her plate through the bars of the door on Kyo’s cat carrier for him, but he refused to stoop low enough to eat them, refused to give her that satisfaction even as he grew hungrier and more exhausted.

He didn’t listen to their dinner conversation, didn’t even want the opportunity to humanize them anymore. He tried again for a meditative state, closing his eyes and letting stillness wash over him. He fought to ignore the smells of their food, the clinking of chopsticks against bowls, the laughter that they dared to share while he was imprisoned and left alone to suffer, snatched from his freedom and his life like a flower plucked from a garden, and his meditation ended up being more like him stewing in his own stagnant anger.

He didn’t even notice them finishing eating or clearing the table before his carrier was being lifted and taken into another room. He complained loudly until he was set down, and a strong set of masculine hands was opening the door and dragging him out. There was no chance of him squirming out of the father’s grasp as he set to brushing his coat while the children set up Kyo’s food and water dishes and his litter box, which he glared at from his position on their dad’s lap. They couldn’t force him to use any of that. He still had some manly dignity after all. He almost felt bad that they’d wasted their money on it when he was going to be escaping their clutches any minute now. But he was too resentful and vengeful a person to feel completely bad about it. In his opinion these inhumane cat-stealing barbarians deserved a lot more karmic punishment than a few thousand yen lost on unnecessary pet equipment.

“So what are you going to name him?” the father asked. “Have you thought of anything?”

Kyo bristled. He was wholly opposed to the idea of anyone _naming_ him, and certainly not a couple of morally questionable children who didn’t know the first thing about him.

Ai-chan answered eagerly. “We were thinking maybe Momo or Chibi.”

“His coloring doesn’t seem right for Momo, but Chibi would probably suit him well, since he’s so small and cute,” her father agreed.

“It doesn’t cover how fluffy he is though!” Kaito said, and they all laughed appreciatively.

Kyo didn’t think it was that funny.

In spite of himself though, Kyo did find the brushing very soothing, something so firm and steady about it. The thought really only made him want to get away more.

The kids then spoke condescendingly to Kyo, showing him his new “furniture” as if they expected him to be excited about it. Ai-chan got a hold of him around the middle and held him like that awkwardly, like he was some kind of doll. Kyo didn’t shred her face even though he calmed himself by imagining it.

The father stayed and chatted with his children a little while longer, and then got to his feet. “All right, baths and then bed, okay?”

Kyo perked up at that. Finally they would be occupied and he could get a minute to himself to transform!

“But I wanna stay with kittyyyyy!” Ai-chan whined.

“He’ll still be here in the morning!” her father said with a fond chuckle.

_Oh, how wrong you are_ , Kyo thought with the slightest relish.

“Don’t wanna leave him!!” Ai-chan insisted, squeezing Kyo’s middle uncomfortably tight.

“No fair, you don’t get to hold him all the time!!” Kaito said, and he grabbed Kyo’s front legs to try and pull him from her.

Kyo flailed as much as he could, suddenly afraid that he would meet his end by being torn apart like a wishbone.

“You guys, now, now, not so rough,” their father chided (not nearly severely enough, in Kyo’s opinion). He took Kyo away from both of them and held him for the time being. “You can take turns. Kaito can take his bath first, and Ai-chan will stay with the cat; then you can trade off.”

_Shit!_ That meant someone would always still be supervising him! When the fuck were these nasty people going to leave him alone for five seconds??

“And then he’ll sleep in my bed with me!!” Ai-chan proclaimed.

_Fat chance_.

“We’ll let him choose who he wants to sleep with,” her brother said challengingly.

_Trust me, neither of you would be in the top billion people on that list,_ Kyo thought as he tried to pull all his limbs in closer to his body.

And so they went about their routine, and Kyo was dragged back into the kids’ bedroom. Immediately he sought to go back into hiding under the bed, but found that someone had taken the trouble to adjust how the storage bins were arranged so he couldn’t wiggle his way through. Clever bastards.

Kaito went off to the bathroom first, his pajamas bundled in his arms, while Ai-chan brought Kyo up onto her bed (the bottom bunk) and started chattering away at him about how much fun they would have and how happy she was that he was going to be living with them now. He still couldn’t find it in himself to pity her for her upcoming loss. She pulled some origami out of a drawer in the desk against one wall of the room and came back to the bed with it, walking Kyo through the steps as she folded it into what was supposed to be a ladybug, though Kyo thought bitterly that her attention to detail left something to be desired.

He tentatively got up from where he’d been plopped down on the bed just as she suggested showing him how to make a cat might be more fitting and started in on that. He wandered the room looking for weaknesses. The door was closed tightly, but he thought he might be able to turn the handle if he could manage it when no one was looking and stopped him first. There wasn’t much else in there—a dresser, a narrow bookshelf lined with manga (age-appropriate and boring), a smallish closet with shoes spilling out of it.

Ai-chan was beaming at him as he explored, clearly not seeing it as the careful strategizing it was.

Kyo hopped up onto the desk and knocked a few things off of it just to be an asshole cat before he made his way as he wanted to the windowsill. It was his first real view of outside since the box had first come down over him. They were on the second floor, and he could see the street from there, but no real landmarks that he recognized to tell him where they were. He wondered if he would recognize familiar landmarks even if he saw them, given that his perception of color was skewed when he was in this form. Still, he spent a long time staring longingly out at the darkening city, making note of every detail he could, from street lamps to passing traffic.

He was still gazing out the window when Kaito came back into the room and said, “Aww, he’s used to being an outdoor kitty. It’s okay, Chibi-chan, you’ll get used to it here!”

Kyo did his best to just ignore what felt like taunting despite his knowledge that that wasn’t how it was intended. Kaito let him stay looking at the outside world a while longer before he scooped him up around the middle and carried him back to the bed, going somewhat awkwardly up the ladder and depositing him on the top bunk. Kyo had to admit Kaito was a good deal gentler than Ai-chan, and between the two of them, he would choose the brother’s company without much deliberation.

That said, he still resented him for aiding in his capture the way he had, and would not give him the satisfaction of snuggling up alongside him as he slept. He would stay curled up at the foot of the bed, thank you.

As they waited for Ai-chan to return from taking her bath, Kaito started brushing Kyo as his father had, in a way that was actually kind of relaxing. He spoke to Kyo as he did it, vague musings about school and some surprising insecurities about what was expected of him.

Kyo found his sympathy for the child growing, though he wondered what exactly was calling him to open up like this to a small cat he had no reason to believe understood human language. Still, he knew sometimes it was easier to be honest about your feelings when no one was really listening, and he firmly decided, out of the whole nightmare family, Kaito was the most tolerable.

The events of the day seemed to be catching up with Kyo as he drifted just on the edge of consciousness, Kaito’s soft voice tethering him loosely to reality. In his exhaustion, that too eventually faded, and he found himself in dreams again, this time the hauntingly silent variety.

He ran down endless hallways, fluorescent lights flickering threateningly overhead, but no matter how long he ran or where he turned, there was never a doorway, never anywhere to go but farther down the labyrinthine paths. He knew he was searching for something, but in the dream, he couldn’t remember what. He was hungry and scared and couldn’t seem to remember much outside of that. There was a sense of loss, further driving him to search for whatever it was, but he only felt more and more hopeless as corridor after corridor proved empty and fruitless.

Just as he grew too tired to run anymore, the floor gave way beneath him, and he was falling through darkness, something stabbing and high-pitched cutting through the silence like feedback, but in his cat form (as he realized he was in, and had he been the whole time?) he couldn’t even cover his ears, couldn’t scream, couldn’t make it stop—all he could do was land on his feet when he got to the bottom.

And as he woke with a jolt, he saw that now was his chance. The room was dark, the family asleep. Finally he could make his escape.

Without wasting another second, Kyo made his way down from the top bunk, not even sparing a glance back at the soundly sleeping siblings as he padded to the bedroom door. He stretched on his hind feet to reach and turn the door handle and crept noiselessly into the hall and out to the living room.

He took one look around the room to make sure it was as still as he thought, and then settled down and focused all his thoughts on shifting into a human. Finally he would have the chance to get back to his bandmates and let them know how much he cared about them, he could get this stuff with Die out in the open once and for all. It felt like a lifetime since he’d been trapped in this house with this family, and he was more than ready for everything to just go back to normal. He found himself imagining Die’s face, how he would smile at him when he saw him walk into the studio, healthy and more present than he had been in months—how he would smile when Kyo told him he loved him too, that he wanted to try being with him—

It was somewhere around there that Kyo noticed he had _not_ changed back into a human. He was still a cat, small and fluffy in the middle of the floor. His thoughts had wandered away from him and he wasn’t concentrating anymore.

He pushed everything else aside and really meditated on humanity, putting himself through the reverse of what he did when he turned into a cat.

Still nothing.

Not even the crackle of the air or the soft smell of the magic.

He couldn’t understand what was happening. He was calm, he was focused, his energy was where it was supposed to be! He opened his eyes, started pacing in frustrated little circles, and that was when he caught sight of the digital clock sitting on top of the piano, blue numbers glaring brightly in the dark of the room.

12:27.

Midnight had passed on the third day; the magic had run out, and Kyo’s ability to shift back into a human was gone.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys, I'm sorry, I don't think this fic is very good. It's just silly now.

When the family got up the next morning, Kyo was still sitting silently in the living room, staring blankly out the window as he had done most of the night.

He’d never fallen back asleep. Instead, he’d sat up and let his mind weave dangerously circuitous patterns through the aftermath of what had probably been his Greatest Ever Mistake, until he wasn’t fully conscious of his own thoughts anymore.

He could think of a million small moments when he could have done something different, something that would change it all enough for him to not end up _here_ , doomed to remain a feline in the care of these dreadful people. It was his fault and he deserved it. Maybe he should just accept his fate, that this was how his life would come to a close, and he should try to make the best of it. Kaito didn’t seem like that bad a kid really…

“How did he get out of your room?”

“I dunno, I guess the door wasn’t closed as tight as we thought.”

“You guys should be more careful! We don’t want him getting out.”

Kyo didn’t bother turning to see who was walking around the living room now. He didn’t think he had the energy to pay any of the family much mind today. He just hoped he could find a secluded corner to exist in and be left alone.

“Well, you got lucky this time,” the mother’s voice said from behind him. “It doesn’t look like he did any damage to the furniture or the tatami, but at least until he’s trained to use the litter box, you shouldn’t let him run free around the house!”

“This is what responsibility is all about, kids,” the father added.

Kyo dimly realized it must be the weekend since the father wasn’t heading off to work. He had a moment of regret that he hadn’t thought to do something damaging to their home. He should have torn up the tatami or pissed on the couch, something out of spite. Maybe it would have been troublesome enough that they’d throw him out of the house.

But where would he go now? If he could figure out where he was, he could return to his own apartment, he supposed, but what would he do there? He couldn’t exactly return to his old life if he was stuck permanently as a cat.

As he stared out at a little restaurant across the street, at a bicycle speeding past, at a bird that had landed on the awning of a taller building (some business whose name he couldn’t see from this angle), he thought distantly that there was nothing for him out there, not anymore. He had destroyed his entire life and now he couldn’t get it back.

When Ai-chan got her arms around him to take him back to her bedroom, he didn’t struggle. He just let himself be set down on the bed and then lay there, curled in on himself and miserable, refusing to move for the rest of the day.

By evening, the family had noticed and expressed concern.

“Has he eaten _anything_ since you brought him home?” the father wondered.

Neither child could remember seeing him eat.

“Is he dying!?” Ai-chan asked, her emotions already on the verge of overflow.

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” her father said quickly. “But we should probably call the vet and see how soon we can take him in.”

“Are they gonna put him to sleep??”

“I doubt it. We should take him in for a checkup anyway, make sure he's healthy, get him all his vaccinations.”

“Can we take him now?” Kaito asked, stroking worriedly over Kyo’s back. Kyo still hadn’t gotten up from Ai-chan’s bed, and wasn’t planning to.

“They won’t be open until Monday,” his mother said gently.

“But what if it’s an emergency? What if he’s really sick??”

“It’s too soon to tell,” his mother said. “We’ll keep an eye on him and call first thing Monday morning to get an appointment.”

If Kyo wasn’t usually keen on going to the doctor, going as a cat, when his body was still unfamiliar and wrong-feeling, seemed even less appetizing. He supposed he ought to seem a little less sickly so maybe they would decide a vet visit wasn’t necessary after all. He still slept and moped most of the time, but he made sure to drink water in plain sight, and even forced himself to eat, though he stole the food blatantly off Kaito’s plate, rather than eating what they put out for him.

Kaito didn’t mind in the least, clearly delighted that Kyo was eating anything at all.

“You shouldn’t let him do that!” his mother scolded him. “That kind of thing might make him sick; he should be eating _cat_ food.”

“If he’s been living on the streets, maybe this kind of food is what he’s used to!” Kaito reasoned. He upped his discretion levels, but Kyo could count on him from then on to share his meals. 

He wasn’t about to use the litter box though. He wouldn’t deny that there was something morbidly fascinating about the concept, but he wasn’t into the idea of someone else cleaning up after him (even these people who deserved a fate far worse). Instead, with some careful balance, he used the toilet. Once when he was making his way out of the bathroom he passed Ai-chan, who stared at him with wide eyes, and he was sure she’d heard him flush a moment before. He flicked his tail at her disdainfully and continued on, satisfied that the family would at least know he was doing his business _some_ where.

He tried to ignore them for the most part. He spent his time sleeping (and there was no way he’d ever slept so much in his entire life, though he did still have frequently unsettling dreams) and thinking and grooming himself, because he found increasingly that that just seemed like the thing to do.

By Monday morning, the family didn’t seem nearly as concerned about his health, and he thought their call to the vet might have been put at least on the back burner. But then, as the father headed to work, and the kids to school, the mother went and made her phone call anyway, and Kyo sat on the counter directly in front of her, doing his best to hear the whole conversation.

This backfired neatly, in that she looked mildly uncomfortable and moved to make her call in her bedroom with the door closed before Kyo could trot in after her.

He still caught enough of what she was saying through the door to traumatize him for life: Yadda yadda stray cat yadda yadda bring him in to be neutered, etc.

He’d thought everything that had happened had been quite bad enough, but this wasn’t even a straw he could consider laying upon the proverbial camel. He hadn’t wanted to be “broken” but being “fixed” was even worse, and he wasn’t going to stand by and let it happen. He heard her make the appointment for Friday, and simply accepted the fact that he’d have to be gone before then, even if that meant committing to life as a Tokyo alleycat.

Not long after she hung up, the mother shut him up in the laundry room with his food and litter box, so she could leave to run whatever errands she had, and Kyo found himself actually totally alone in the house for the first time since arriving.

He took full advantage of it, getting the room’s sliding door open and inspecting the house for weaknesses. He could bide his time here where he was provided food and shelter for the next couple days, but he was more than determined to find a way to bust out before they tried to take him to the vet. He wasn’t going to lose his junk for these people.

It didn’t take much to tell the front door was the only one in the apartment, too heavy and with too many locks for him to open on his own. He started taking stock of the windows. All of them had screens—at least all the ones he could see; the door to the parents’ bedroom was closed, and it had a knob rather than a handle, which was a little too challenging for Kyo to grasp and turn, but Kyo figured any window in there was probably much the same as the others.

Generally speaking, the family tended to make sure the windows were closed when no one was in the room anyway. The only window Kyo had noticed was left occasionally unattended was the one in the kids’ bedroom, and he decided that would probably be his best bet for an escape, though it still wasn’t ideal. From what he could tell, there was no ledge to speak of on the outside of the building, no balcony, no fire escape… It would be tricky to get down from there, even if this window was nowhere near as high as the one from his own apartment. He would keep an eye out for any better options if they presented themselves, and he’d know that busting out through the screen on the children’s window was there as a backup plan.

He did one more sweep of the rooms, looking for anything that might help him in getting out, but nothing leapt out at him. Maybe, he thought, he could trick one of the children into assisting him; if he could get someone to open the front door and he could time it right, he would probably be able to zip out faster than they could catch him. He kept this in mind, jotting it down on a mental list of strategies.

He spent some time, after his initial explorations, in the kitchen, digging through the pantry for something to snack on. Scraps from Kaito’s plate were hardly cutting it and he was hungry—though not hungry enough to try the dry food they continued to leave out for him. He discovered unfortunately that these people seemed to have a lot of healthfood, and what he really wanted was chocolate. When he was hungry, maybe that shouldn’t be his priority but he’d be damned if he wasn’t craving it something awful. He’d just spotted a package of chocolates up on the high shelf and was making his way up to them when he froze. 

Cats couldn’t eat chocolate.

His world seemed to be crumbling around him like so many chocolate chip cookies. Chocolate was fatal to cats; he would never be able to have it again.

He hadn’t even gotten to say goodbye.

Dropping back down onto the floor, he collapsed into a fluffy puddle version of himself and lay there moping on the tile. Every time he thought it couldn’t get worse, there was something new and devastating lurking around the corner. He’d accepted and thought maybe he could learn to deal with not being able to sing, but this…

He lay there longer than he kept track of, and was just wondering if devouring a whole bag of chocolate might not be an okay way to leave this world, when he heard the key in the front door and realized the mother was returning home, and he’d better get busy looking innocent. He returned to the laundry room and curled up sadly on top of the washing machine, still mourning what was possibly his greatest loss yet.

 

When the siblings returned home from school, Kyo roused himself enough to think again about his plan for getting someone to open the front door for him. He waited until their mother seemed sufficiently distracted with something in the kitchen and lured Kaito to the front door before scratching at it pitifully and meowing in a way that he hoped would communicate that he’d seen something particularly interesting outside.

“What is it, Chibi-chan?” Kaito asked, bending to scratch behind Kyo’s ears. “Aww, you wanna go outside, huh?”

Kyo lay flat on his belly and tried to get his paw under the door.

“You wanna just see what’s out there?”

Kyo perked up, glancing at Kaito and sitting at full attention. Maybe this would be easier than he thought.

“We’ll just look, okay?” Kaito started to unlock the deadbolt, but his mom chose that moment to come into the living room.

“Kaito! What are you doing?! You’re going to let the cat out!” she cried.

_Shit_ , _so close!_

“We were just going to look and see what’s out there!” Kaito said guiltily. 

“You weren’t even holding him!” his mother said. “I keep telling you, you have to be more careful; we can’t let him out, especially not before we take him to be fixed!”

“Fixed? What’s wrong with him?” Ai-chan asked as all the shouting apparently called her into the living room as well.

“Nothing,” her mother said quickly. Under her breath, Kyo heard her mutter something about not wanting him to “knock up some neighbor cat” and he let out a somewhat indignant growl.

As if he would. He may be in a cat body, but in his mind he was still a _human_ —having sex with a cat would be way too—

Aw man, that was another thing he’d lost then. No more sex for Kyo. This day just got better and better.

He let his mind drift unhappily over some more things he wouldn’t have the chance to do. He wouldn’t be able to express himself ever again with words or melodies. He wouldn’t ever get to tell his bandmates what they meant to him, how much he had valued the years they’d spent making music together. 

He got stuck on Die again, wondering if he would think Kyo had just run off and abandoned them all without saying goodbye, if he’d think he was dead. Kyo wasn’t sure which was worse, and he wished he’d had the chance to _talk_ to Die before any of this happened, to talk to _all_ of them, just so they wouldn’t think he thought so little of them that he’d slipped away without a word…

He should have been paying more attention, because suddenly a collar was being forced over his head and onto his neck. It had a goddamn bell attached to it, jingling when he tried to jerk away from the mother as she secured it on him.

“Here,” she said. “With this, even if he _does_ get out, at least someone will know where he belongs and be able to bring him back.”

“It’s got his name on it!” Ai-chan said happily, running her fingers over the tag on the collar, which Kyo couldn’t read from this angle.

He got his hopes up that maybe it had an address too, and he could find out exactly where he was, but when he wriggled out of the collar a moment later, he found only the humiliating title of “Chibi,” followed by a phone number.

“Make sure he keeps that collar on!” the mother said, and with that she got up and went back into the kitchen.

The children made several more attempts to get the collar to stay on Kyo, but he removed it every time. He wasn’t interested in being anyone’s pet, and he certainly wasn’t going to wear that symbol of ownership, displayed for all to see. He hadn’t even picked it out himself.

Besides, that bell would seriously fuck up his stealth, and that was the last thing he needed.

He spent most of the evening sitting in the window in the kids’ bedroom, studying the area, trying to map out a path down to the street level from where he was. This was still his strongest option for exiting the house, and he wanted to be sure he’d thought of everything when the time came to act.

It wouldn’t be long now before he ventured out on his own to begin his new life as a stray cat.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh goodness, I'm sorry it's been so long since my last update! I meant to have this up much sooner but I guess it's been kind of a rough week. I'll try to do better next time!

The next few days passed much in the same way. Kyo stared out of various windows, worked on his escape plan, and did his best to avoid a lot of contact with the family.

Kaito took to trying to play with Kyo, usually something involving a little toy mouse tied to the end of a piece of yarn. He so clearly wanted Kyo to enjoy the game, to pounce on the mouse and get something out of it, that Kyo took pity on him and did, occasionally, spend a short while here and there chasing the mouse. As soon as someone else entered the room Kyo would stop and become totally immersed in bathing himself instead. Kaito was no angel, but the rest of the family was cruel enough that Kyo didn’t want to offer up his enjoyment of anything in their presence.

This wasn’t actually all that easy. As the days went by he noticed his own behavior becoming more and more catlike; once the father was able to properly distract Kyo for a solid five minutes with a little laser pointer. He wondered if, over time, his humanity was going to dwindle away into nothing, if he would lose even the memories of his human life, thereby losing himself.

Maybe it would be better that way. Maybe this was the actual gift that the black cat had given him: the opportunity to begin a new life, to start over with a clean slate. Tabula rasa. The concept of reincarnation was intriguing enough but he’d never imagined being so fully conscious during the transition. Still perhaps he could be better as a cat than he’d ever been as a human. If he truly forgot himself, maybe he could be happy.

It was hard to keep that mindset when he was stuck interacting only with this family though. Sure it was possible he could have had a happy cat life in some household where he felt properly loved and cared for, but he would never get over the way he’d been abducted and mistreated by these awful humans, and he couldn’t forgive them and enjoy himself, no matter how much of his personal pain the decision might ease.

At least he was still himself enough to be stubborn and resentful.

He wasn’t fully prepared for the afternoon when the kids brought home catnip and tossed a sockful of it to him. Without really realizing what was happening he became totally engrossed in this sock, biting and tugging at it, lost in the excitement of whatever that incredible sweet magic was inside.

By the time he figured out he’d pretty much been drugged he was too blissed out to do much about it besides sprawl in the middle of the floor and have the children’s “affection” toppled mercilessly upon him while he was hazy and mellow and helpless to resist. 

The next day when they threw a sock at him he quickly ran the other way.

He wouldn’t deny that the catnip itself made for an enjoyable experience, but he didn’t like being manipulated that way (or any other way), and he wasn’t interested in getting stoned just for the family’s entertainment. Honestly, he’d just as soon never do _anything_ for the family’s entertainment; he wanted to get away from them as soon as physically possible. It was already Wednesday afternoon and he was running out of time to put his escape plan into action.

The real question now was what he would do once he got out. All things considered, he didn’t really look forward to the prospect of living out the rest of his life (nine lives? How did that work anyway? Was he going to get the perks that came with being a cat even if he was born into it unnaturally? Did this count as his second life already, with his first being everything he’d lived as a human?) on the streets. At the same time, he’d clearly learned that he wasn’t cut out to be a family pet, so he wouldn’t be able to find a happy home being owned by anyone.

For a while he had thought maybe he could get a job in a cat cafe. He was a reasonably attractive little cat, he would probably be well-liked enough for that. Maybe it would be kind of like being onstage and it wouldn’t be so bad. Except he didn’t really like people touching him, and presumably that gig would entail a whole lot of people reaching for and petting him, not to mention all the Real Cats there who would undoubtedly recognize that there was something off about him. He’d never earn their trust, and would end up isolated even surrounded by others. Add to that the fact that almost definitely they’d never let him have a spot in a cat cafe without him being neutered, and he finally had to scrap that idea.

He had to admit that living with someone who wasn’t deranged in the way this family was didn’t sound like it would be so terrible; having someone to look after him and provide for him all the time, maybe someone who would allow him the freedom to still do his own thing… The only person he could envision this arrangement actually working with was Shinya, since he was the only one who could understand the truth of what had happened to Kyo, and he was one of few people who Kyo thought he wouldn’t mind being around that much. But Kyo didn’t want to become a burden on one of his closest friends like that. Besides, he wasn't even sure where Shinya lived. He’d moved since the last time he’d had Kyo over to visit, and for all Kyo knew, his new place didn’t allow cats. Even if Kyo could figure out where _he_ was, how would he ever get to Shinya?

Then again, if the kids had walked here from the park where they’d first snatched him, it couldn’t be _too_ far from things he knew. If he spent some time wandering around, he would probably be able to find his way back to his apartment, and back to the studio. Then he could just hang around there until he found Shinya, and just… hope he’d be willing to adopt him.

Kyo had spent most of the day sitting in the living room window as he often did, looking for anything that would help him, ignoring the sounds of the mother going about her business throughout the house. He still hadn’t come up with a totally solid path that he could take down from the window of the children’s bedroom and had becomemuch more bitter about this fact once he realized that there must be a balcony on the other side, coming off from the parents’ room. They kept their door closed tight consistently, so he was never able to get in there, but he’d seen the mother taking laundry that way to hang up to dry, and it was extremely frustrating to know that the route that would make his escape easiest was the one he was cut off from.

Even without that on his mind, Kyo was in an especially bad mood. The family had employed some teamwork and wrestled the collar back onto him that morning, ganging up on him and tightening it enough that he hadn’t been able to get it back over his head. Every subtle movement he made came with the soft tinkling of the bell around his neck and it was humiliating and infuriating. If the mother ever left the house to run errands he was planning to get into the kitchen and see if he could cut the damn thing off with a knife, regardless of the obvious safety hazards associated with such a plan of action.

Sitting in the window, he’d been watching this small and clueless-looking bird hopping around on the sidewalk below with great interest for the better part of the past five minutes, when something potentially more interesting caught his eye: a person, thin, well-dressed, of indeterminate gender from this distance, walking purposefully with a stack of papers in one hand. He watched as they came up to the nearest streetlamp and stuck one of the papers to it. He couldn’t make out what the paper had written on it from this far away (he had found his long distance eyesight was actually worse as a cat than as a human), but there was no mistaking the face of the person as they turned and started towards a telephone pole further along the block, already pulling another piece of paper off the top of their stack. 

_Shinya_.

It was Shinya, and he was _here._ There was no time to lose. Kyo had to get out to him, and he had to get out there _now._ He scrambled from the living room faster than he’d ever moved in his life, making a mad dash down the hall for the kids’ bedroom, fully ignoring the slightly irritated call of, “ _Chibi!_ ” from the mother, as the bell on his collar alerted her to his sudden frenzied movement.

Hopping up on the desk, he peered out the window again, but he couldn’t see Shinya anymore. He must have rounded the corner, and Kyo wasn’t totally sure which way he’d gone. To make matters worse, the window hadn’t been left open. Kyo growled in frustration, splaying his front paws on the glass and wondering if he’d just lost his best (only?) chance at getting out of here—and the window budged. He pulled back and realized the window was closed, but it hadn’t been _latched_ , and pushed and nudged and squirmed against it until it was open enough to let him squeeze out. He then proceeded to slash and tear at the screen, finally unleashing all his pent-up fury, until he broke a hole in it that would just have to be good enough, and he forced his head through.

He almost lost his courage when he was halfway out the window and found there really was nowhere for him to go, but he just kind of let himself go anyway, feeling certain he had lost his mind for sure now that he was just dropping himself out of a second-story window with nothing to catch him below but solid concrete.

And the next thing he knew he was on his feet on the sidewalk. And… fine? He paused for a second, trying to see if he felt anything wrong or broken, but there was nothing of which he was aware at least at the moment, and he didn’t hesitate long before taking off in the same direction he’d seen Shinya walking, following the path of the flyers he’d been putting up (Kyo could see now that they were MISSING CAT posters, each one featuring a photo of Kyo himself in cat form and offering a substantial reward for his safe return), and throwing prayers up to any deity who was listening that he could run fast enough to catch up with him.

For a few horrible moments Kyo thought he’d lost him, but then he came around another corner and spotted Shinya at the end of the block, waiting to cross the street, holding his sunglasses in one hand as he rubbed tiredly at his eyes with his forearm. Kyo let out a cry that was meant to be Shinya’s name but came out as one of the most disgruntled meows he’d ever even heard, and went running towards him like his life depended on it. 

Shinya looked up at the sound and his mouth dropped open. “Kyo…?” The stack of papers went fluttering to the ground as he started towards Kyo, his arms wide, and Kyo couldn’t have dreamed of stopping Shinya from picking him up this time, from wrapping his arms tight around his body and cradling him like he was the most precious thing on earth. “Oh, Kyo it’s really you, I thought… God, I was so worried.”

Kyo couldn’t complain about Shinya burying his face in his fur, even as he felt the wetness of his tears on him. He was just so grateful that he was there at all, he was purring incessantly and nuzzling his own face into Shinya’s bony shoulder. There really was no dignity to be concerned about between them right now.

After a few minutes Shinya seemed to suddenly notice the quiet jingling that accompanied every shake of Kyo’s head, and he pulled back to inspect Kyo more carefully, lifting the tag on his collar with one finger and frowning. “Eh? Chibi?” His eyes flicked back to Kyo’s face. “You are Kyo, aren’t you?”

Kyo gave him a scathing look.

“Hm.” Shinya deftly unbuckled the collar and tossed it into a garbage bin on the corner before bending to gather the flyers he’d dropped, still holding Kyo against his chest with one arm. Once he straightened up again he stroked Kyo’s ears affectionately and sighed. “What happened to you?” he murmured, but Kyo knew he wasn’t expecting an answer. He burrowed closer to Shinya, not wanting to be let out of his sight again. “We’re going to figure this out, don’t worry.”

Kyo couldn’t comment that Shinya honestly sounded worried enough for the both of them.

Shinya got everything squared away in his bag and started walking back the direction from which he had come. “Let’s get you home,” Shinya said, and Kyo was more than happy to let Shinya take him wherever he would, fully trusting him to know the way.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like all the chapters lately have been short and disappointing (especially with how long I've been taking between updates, yikes), but at least the story is moving forward? Thanks all for your patience and support. Much love, much love!  
> (PS Shinya is the Best, that's basically the secret moral of this story)

“All right, just so there’s no confusion,” Shinya said, setting two pieces of paper down on the kitchen table.

Kyo hopped up onto the table curiously and eyed the papers. They were terribly simple: one was clearly divided down the middle with one half reading “YES” and the other half “NO”; the other paper just said “I DON’T KNOW,” and they were sitting side by side on the otherwise empty tabletop.

“I figure we need to make a plan,” Shinya said reasonably. “I considered doing the whole blink-once-for-yes or flick-your-tail-for-no, but I thought this would leave less room for error.”

Kyo might have laughed at the meticulous, ever-prepared nature that was so typically Shinya, steady heartbeat of a drummer that he was, but instead he just stepped over to the YES side of the paper and tapped it with his paw.

Shinya smiled a little, nodded once, and sat down at the table. “When you disappeared… None of us knew what had happened. Kaoru was worried sick, he couldn’t believe you wouldn’t call if something had happened. He thought maybe your ‘illness’ had been something more serious than you’d led us to believe, and I didn’t know how to tell him you were never sick to begin with.” He paused, looking sadly at Kyo for a moment. “Die was convinced you’d just taken off, finally gotten fed up with it all and left us behind for good.”

Kyo hurriedly shifted to the other side of the paper reading NO. It hurt to imagine that Die would even think such a thing.

“I know,” Shinya said. “But I also know that you had been feeling… That you’d wanted more freedom. I would understand if that ended up translating as you trying to get away, even for a short time—”

Kyo cut him off with a meow, flexing his claws against the word NO.

“So what happened then?” Shinya asked.

Kyo looked a little helplessly at his limited dialogue options.

“You were… _taken_? Made ‘Chibi’ against your will?”

With some amount of discomfort, Kyo shifted and lightly touched the YES side of the paper. He’d known they would have to talk about this to some degree, but he still didn’t even like thinking about anything that had happened in the past week or so. 

Since coming to Shinya’s house, Kyo had been treated well. He’d been given the tour as if he were any human guest and had the spare bedroom made up for him, giving him plenty of space and privacy. Shinya cooked enough for both of them and offered Kyo all kinds of things he needed, things he might not even have realized he needed on his own. Kyo didn’t know what words he would use to thank him even if he could speak.

Shinya asked a few more questions about how it was that he had ended up stuck with that family the whole time he'd been missing, and Kyo could tell that Shinya’s calm and peaceful demeanor was hardening to cover for his growing anger on Kyo’s behalf until he finally asked, “Do you want me to go… have a word with them?”

Kyo had known Shinya long enough to know when to be afraid of him, and this was one of these times. He enjoyed the idea of Shinya crashing into their nuclear domestic little environment and seriously fucking them up for a few moments before sitting himself firmly on the NO side of the paper. He would rather put the whole mess behind him and never think about those people again.

Shinya shook his head and muttered something about going to make some tea as he got up from the table. Kyo watched him go, feeling oddly guilty for bringing him down.

There hadn’t been a single word of complaint from Shinya about taking Kyo in, nothing to make him feel like he was being a burden, and yet Kyo realized he hadn’t been very sensitive to how this all was affecting Shinya emotionally. Shinya had never been one to talk about his feelings that much, even in all the time Kyo had known him; he always seemed too strong and capable to need Kyo to lean on. Now Kyo was wondering how much of that was a front, how much he was feeling that _he_ didn’t want to burden _Kyo_ with.

After all, Shinya had spent the past week covering for Kyo, reassuring the rest of the band that Kyo was fine, when he himself had no way of knowing where he was or what had happened to him. Now he was taking on even more by welcoming Kyo into his home and caring for him. It occurred to Kyo that he didn’t know _how_ Shinya had found him, how he’d even known to look for him. Did Shinya have that much more faith in him than the others that he could be totally convinced Kyo wouldn’t have gone off on his own?

When Shinya returned to the table Kyo was sitting on the I DON’T KNOW paper, his head cocked curiously. He didn’t have any other way to voice his questions. Shinya set down two cups of tea, one in front of Kyo, and then took in where Kyo was seated and how he was looking at him.

Clearing his throat, Shinya sat down and said, “I looked it up, you’re allowed to have that as long as it’s decaf and not too strong. You should wait to drink it until it’s not so hot, though.” He took a sip of his own tea and then leaned back in his chair. “You want to know… what happened while you were gone.” He didn’t wait for an answer before sighing and then starting again. “That first day when you didn’t come to rehearsal, I was worried. We all were, but they hadn’t seen what you were involved in, and I had, and I had spoken to you and heard you say you would be back that day. And if you say it, I tend to believe it.”

Kyo moved off the paper and positioned himself directly in front of Shinya, giving him his full, uninterrupted attention, even though Shinya wasn’t really looking at him.

“I went to your apartment that same evening, but you weren’t home, and that’s when I became _seriously_ worried. You weren’t answering your phone, but it wasn’t going straight to voicemail, so I knew it was on, and it made sense you wouldn’t have it with you if you’d gone out as a cat.” Shinya flicked his eyes to Kyo briefly, almost like he thought referring to him as a cat might be offensive somehow. “I tried to remember what you’d said about the spell or whatever it is. I was so sure you’d said that was the last day, that you’d be changing back into a human full-time after that.” He looked at Kyo properly then, apparently seeking some confirmation.

Kyo hesitated before moving to the paper marked YES. Technically that had been what he’d told Shinya, what he’d believed to be the truth of how the enchantment would work. It just… hadn’t ended up that way.

Shinya nodded and went on. “When there was still no sign of you the following day, I thought something must have happened, that the spell hadn’t ended, or it had backfired somehow and left you unable to return to human form, which…” He gestured awkwardly and Kyo didn’t try to argue. “I went back to your apartment, used the spare key you gave me that time you had me water your plants while you were on tour with sukekiyo, but it was obvious you hadn’t been back.” He swallowed and Kyo thought he looked dangerously close to tears before he said, “Your bag… everything was still by the door, like you’d been ready to go to the studio.”

There was a strange moment where Kyo wasn’t sure if he should be looking away and giving Shinya privacy or offering some kind of reassurance. He ended up padding across the table to him and resting a paw on the back of Shinya’s hand.

“Nobody knew what had happened to you, and I couldn’t tell anyone what I knew, as if they would believe me anyway,” Shinya said, flipping his hand over to hold onto Kyo’s paw gently. His other hand automatically went to pet Kyo’s neck and back, and Kyo didn’t stop him. “I thought… I really thought you might be dead. Hit by a car, killed by some dog or wild animal…” He shook his head. “I’ve never been so afraid that we’d lost you. Then I worried that if the spell had ended with you as a cat, what if you couldn’t remember your human life? Maybe you had forgotten all of us, were lost and scared somewhere, completely unprepared for life as anything other than human. I couldn't give up hope though. I called every pound, every shelter. I’d been putting up flyers, looking for you all over the city since Sunday.”

Kyo headbutted Shinya affectionately. He wasn’t sure what he had ever done to deserve knowing someone as good as Shinya, and couldn’t stop thinking he would keep owing him until all nine of his lives were up.

“By the way,” Shinya said then, pushing himself up from his seat once more. He walked back across the kitchen and opened a drawer. “I have your phone here… I took it from your apartment.” He looked uncertain and guilty as he held the device up. “I hope that’s all right.”

Rather than moving to either of the papers, Kyo stayed where he was, watching Shinya in confusion. It didn’t particularly bother him that Shinya would take his phone, but he couldn’t understand the logic behind it.

Shinya looked away. “I did… use it a couple of times. I didn’t want everyone to think you were blowing them off, so I’ve been keeping an eye on your messages. There have been a lot, and I ignored most of them, but,” he cleared his throat nervously, “I did respond to a few from management, um, pretending to be you.”

Kyo didn’t know whether the surprise was as visible on his cat face as it felt, but Shinya still wasn’t looking at him anyway.

“I told them you were having a, well, personal emergency, although I was as vague as possible about details. I’m sorry for invading your privacy that way,” Shinya said. “I didn’t know what else to do. I understand if you’re angry, but for example, we were supposed to shoot the new PV on Wednesday. I had to tell them _something_.” He set the phone down on the table, pushing it towards Kyo. “Anyway, you can have it back now, if you want to read your messages, check your voice mail. If you want to respond to anything, I can help.” He shrugged, finally looking at Kyo, clearly nervous about his reaction.

Kyo really just wished he had a sheet of paper that said THANK YOU. He didn’t know if he really wanted to read his messages though, not now when he still didn’t know if he would able to get back into human form at some point and deal with them all. He nudged at the phone with his paw but then walked away from it, back to the other side of the table.

Shinya watched him with a slight frown. “There are a number of messages from friends and bandmates. I didn’t do anything with those for the most part, though I did tell Takumi you weren’t able to meet for a while.” He sat down again and picked up the phone, turning it in his hands. “I didn’t say anything to Die, but… You should know that he texted several times.”

Kyo didn’t even want to admit how much that made his stomach flip over, but he gave an inquisitive chirp.

“I didn’t more than glance at them; it seemed too personal,” Shinya said, shaking his head. “I don’t know exactly how you feel about him, or what you had decided with regards to his feelings, but he’s…" He sighed. “He’s been having a really hard time. Like I said, we all have, but he’s been in pretty poor shape. Some form of contact from you might do a lot for him.”

It was almost weird how much Kyo didn’t want to deal with that. Sure, on some level he really wanted to know what Die had said, and he did want to offer him the comfort of knowing that Kyo was alive and hadn’t vanished off the face of the earth—but what good would it really do? If he couldn’t ever come back anyway, then Die would still end up hurt, and Kyo’s words would just be hollow. If he had to hurt Die like that, he wanted to put it off just a bit longer.

When a few minutes had passed during which Kyo just lapped at the tea in his cup and made no move to do anything about Die, Shinya set the phone to the side and picked up his own tea. “As for your condition,” he said, “I’m assuming you got stuck like this when the time was up. I don’t suppose you know a way to change back into a human now?”

Kyo straightened up and walked over to tap the NO paper, somewhat dejectedly.

“The cat you met originally didn’t give you any way to get out of it all if something went wrong? Some way to break the spell?”

Again, NO. Kyo made a soft snorting sound that he was almost surprised to hear come out of himself. That would be too easy though, wouldn’t it? What kind of fairy tale would he be trapped in if it came with a contingency plan?

“The only thing I can think to do then is to find that cat again,” Shinya said sensibly. “How can we get in contact with it?”

The only place Kyo had ever run into the cat was in that alley, but he doubted he’d be there now. He’d only seen him there those two times, and neither had been because he was looking for him. Feeling utterly unhelpful, he took the few steps to the other paper and laid his paw on the words I DON’T KNOW.

Shinya pursed his lips and nodded. After taking another sip of his tea he set it down and clasped his hands together, resting them on the table. “I guess I just have one more question for right now.” He tilted his head thoughtfully and narrowed his eyes at Kyo. “Do you _want_ to be human again?”

The only pause in Kyo’s answer came from his shock at the question. It seemed bizarre that Shinya would have to ask that. He sat fully on the YES side of the paper and looked at Shinya with as much determination as a cat could express.

“All right,” Shinya said, and he smiled. “I guess we have our work cut out for us then, hunting that cat down, but between the two of us, I’m sure we can manage.”

Kyo was glad that Shinya seemed so confident, because all he could really picture of his future at this point was a montage of him living here with Shinya and picking up strange new hobbies; most prominently, learning to type on a computer with his paws and catfishing people on online dating sites as his main form of entertainment (pun intended). But if Shinya thought they could find that cat and get him turned back into himself, he wasn’t going to give up hope yet either. Maybe he ought to get out though and bring Shinya back a dead bird as an offering of his gratitude. 

Or maybe he just really needed to focus on finding that damn magic cat and getting back to being human again.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends!! I'm awful, but I love you and I hope you all love me too, enough to think maybe I'm not awful.

Living with Shinya made the whole situation almost uncomfortably normal. Shinya didn’t treat Kyo like his pet, he treated him like _Kyo_ , but without any expectations for him to do things he normally would have been able to, and without judgment when he behaved in ways that were blatantly catlike. More than once Kyo had woken up in the night, terrified and lost, confused by his own body and certain that the darkness was due to a box caging him, and ended up only falling asleep again when he was curled up at the foot of Shinya’s bed. He’d received a somehow disapproving look from Shinya’s dog who didn’t seem to want to share the space, but if it had bothered Shinya at all, he hadn’t said a thing.

Shinya had a piano and told Kyo the first day that he was more than welcome to use it if he had musical inclinations he needed to get out. He left the fallboard up so that Kyo could access it whenever he needed to, and Kyo did on occasion tiptoe over the keys, plunking out melodies that were swimming around in his head. It had a pleasantly grounding feeling, just knowing that he was still able to create, even when he wasn’t all himself.

They had only had a few more conversations using the papers Shinya had made for Kyo to communicate, but Shinya still talked to him often about whatever else was going on. Shinya went to the studio a few times for meetings or sometimes to work on recording, though most of Dir en grey’s activity was suspended while Kyo was out of commission. He'd informed Kyo that their music video shoot had been rescheduled for the following month, and that while it was notably inconvenient, no one seemed to be angry about it, or angry with Kyo. Mostly everyone was just still worried.

When he wasn’t busy with work, Shinya would go out with Kyo and look for the cat who had enchanted him to begin with. Kyo was sure they made quite the sight, Shinya just carrying this cat around with him everywhere (Kyo was too nervous about getting snatched up again to walk beside him most of the time), wandering up and down alleyways all over Tokyo with no apparent destination in mind. Anytime they crossed paths with any cat at all Shinya would look at Kyo so hopefully that it was seriously depressing for him to meow back in that sad way, communicating that this was not who they were looking for.

A couple times Kyo approached the other cats anyway, speaking to them in his halting and awkward, non-verbal manner, asking for leads, if anyone knew a way to hunt that original cat down. From the looks the first cats he asked gave him, he had an embarrassed moment where he felt completely stupid and wondered if it wasn’t a magic cat at all; perhaps all Real, natural-born cats had that kind of power and most just kept it to themselves. In the end he learned that no one really knew how to track down the Black Cat who was the source of so many rumors and legends, one who could transform the very nature of other beings. All cats Kyo encountered had the same information to report (if they deigned to communicate with him at all): The Black Cat existed in his own orbit and could not be Called. He would be found only when he wanted to be. There was nothing to aid in their search and all they could do was keep hoping they’d happen upon him.

It went on this way for days, with them spending every free moment searching for the cat together. When Shinya was out for work, Kyo didn’t dare leave the house, though he still stared out the guest bedroom window a good deal of the time. He tried to avoid any awkward interactions with Shinya’s dog, and continued to feel guilty for everything he was putting Shinya through, pointedly aware of it when Shinya came home with a scratching post on the third day, muttering some apology about how most of his cat-related things had moved with Tina to his parents’ place. Kyo remembered that Shinya had a cat, but he hadn’t even thought to ask about it—not that he could have really asked anyway. At any rate, he was grateful for the scratching post.

After getting home one morning from yet another disappointingly unrewarding hunt for the Black Cat, Kyo was feeling particularly discouraged. Shinya had to go out again for something related to his solo project, and Kyo wished he could ask about it, that he could show an interest in Shinya’s life and career and somehow let him know that he appreciated him as a person, saw him as more than just a caretaker for his sorry ass. He would have a lot to make up for if he ever got his voice back.

As was usually the case when he was left at the house, he secluded himself in the guest room to stay out of the dog’s business and found himself sprawled at the foot of the bed throwing himself a pity party. Unlike usual though, there was something kicking the back of his brain at a slightly higher volume, and after a while he picked himself up and went to the kitchen to look for his phone.

Shinya had left it plugged in and sitting up on the windowsill by the kitchen table where he said the dog wouldn’t get up and mess with it. Kyo hadn’t gotten up and messed with it either since Shinya first revealed that he had it; he hadn’t wanted the reminder of the loss, things he couldn’t access, messages he couldn’t respond to in his thumbless condition. Still, he couldn’t deny that he was thinking about Die more and more often. Shinya had said there were a number of messages from him, and Kyo reasoned that maybe reading some of those would be nice, would help him feel closer. 

With a bit of effort, he managed to get the phone open to the messaging app and found that he did in fact have _fifteen_ texts from Die. He could only imagine what Die must have thought, having never gotten any reply. He used his nose to scroll up to the oldest unread message and started reading them, trying to steel himself for the feelings of frustration and impotence that he knew would come.

‘ _Thought you’d be back today… everything ok?_ ’

‘ _Missed you at rehearsal. Shin said he talked to you, guess you’re still sick. Text me back if you get a chance._ ’

Then,

‘ _I saw someone in a warumono t-shirt today and thought of you. Hope you’re feeling better soon!_ ’

A couple days later, there was another series of messages:

‘ _Shinya says you’ve got something going on and we had to reschedule filming._ ’

‘ _I know before you mentioned wanting to slip away…_ ’

‘ _You’re coming back though, right? You would have said something if you weren’t coming back._ ’

‘ _Anyway, you know I’m here if you need anything._ ’

The guilt was already setting in heavy even before Kyo got to the next cluster of messages.

‘ _Did I do something?_ ’

‘ _I know you’re closer with Shinya and everything, but he seems to have talked to you and I haven’t heard anything from you at all and I guess I just…_ ’

‘ _If I fucked up somehow I’d rather you just told me. Whatever it is, I’m sorry._ ’

Kyo covered his face with his paws. He had never wanted to hurt Die. He hadn’t wanted to hurt _anyone_ , and yet it was still all his fault and his own carelessness had brought it all about. What if the damage done to their relationship was irreparable? Even before Kyo had gone missing, he’d overheard Die worried about Kyo disliking him; this ordeal could only have intensified that concern. How could Kyo ever explain any of this and get Die to believe that his feelings for him were nothing but affectionate? With some cat version of a sigh, he sat up and resumed his painful task of reading through the texts, coming to the next from a couple days later.

‘ _Kaoru and Totchi haven’t heard from you either. You know, I have to say, I think that’s kinda fucked of you, to not contact any of us. I don’t know what the hell is going on, but just taking off with no word? You could say something. You could reply to a single goddamn text to tell us you’re alive._ ’

‘ _Shin keeps saying you’re fine, but I can tell he’s more worried than he’s letting on. Are you even thinking about what you’re putting us through?_ ’

‘ _I mean shit, I thought we were friends and you’ve been totally off the grid for over a WEEK now. Where the fuck do you get off treating the rest of us like this, making us worry when it would be so easy for you to just fucking respond?_ ’

‘ _Fuck you, you know that? Just fuck you._ ’

The last text was just from the night before:

‘ _Please. Please be okay._ ’

Kyo let out a growl and knocked the phone off the windowsill in frustration. It dangled from the cord where it was caught on the back of a chair by the window in an unsatisfying way, and Kyo leapt down, grabbing the cord with his teeth and yanking the charger from the wall, tearing partway through plastic and wires as he did so. He knocked the chair down onto the floor for good measure. 

The dog, who had been napping in another corner of the kitchen, lifted its head in concern, made a small, judgmental sound, and lay back down.

It just wasn’t _fair_. How long was Kyo going to have to go on like this, feeling completely useless, unable to communicate with anyone without the aid of cue cards? He was just a tiny helpless animal and everything he had once had was gone, all his power, all his ability, all his relationships; he’d been stripped of everything and not even allowed the dignity of death. He had to live through that loss, had to witness and participate in it, and still he stood in total darkness, unknowing if he would ever find a light moving forward, if anything he’d already lost could be regained.

Kyo launched himself at full speed into the other room, hopping up on the piano and throwing himself down on the keys, too angry and emotionally overwhelmed to make any kind of clear melody with the notes available to him, but still grasping for even the idea that he could create something in this state. In reality, he just thrashed around until he lost his balance and fell lightly to the ground. 

All at once everything seemed too close to him. It was the dream again of the walls closing in on him, and he was trapped with no escape. His heart seemed to be making his whole body shake as if he would crumble apart, and his eyes darted around the room faster than he could actually process what he was seeing, desperate for any path to freedom. He needed to get out of here. He needed to go see Die, just to _see_ him, and it couldn’t wait any longer.

For the first time since arriving at Shinya’s place, Kyo started a quick but careful inspection of all the doors and windows, starting in the guest bedroom and working his way around. He hadn’t wanted to leave the safety of Shinya’s home, and certainly he hadn’t wanted to go out on his own, but now he didn’t feel like he had any other option. He had to get to Die and he couldn’t just put it off, or let Shinya shoot him a text. He had to go in person.

Or… in cat.

Shinya was anything but careless, and the windows were all shut tight with screens in place. Kyo was about to give up any hope of finding one through which he could get out when he came at last into the bathroom and discovered the small window behind the toilet was cracked open. It might not be an easy fit, but Kyo could probably wedge himself through there, and this was the only window he’d seen without a screen on it.

Just as he had his front paws up on the sill, he was quite vehemently interrupted.

“ _Kyo!_ ” Shinya was in the bathroom doorway, his eyes wide. “What on earth are you doing? If you think I’m going to let you out to wander the streets on your own again, you are sorely mistaken.”

Kyo dropped grumpily down onto the floor and stalked out into the hall, growling at Shinya as he passed.

Shinya turned and followed him. “What’s gotten into you? Just cabin fever, or…?” They came into the kitchen and Shinya stopped talking.

Kyo turned to see Shinya taking in the scene of the chair lying on its side next to the phone on the floor, with its charger ripped from the outlet. A sad, thoughtful look was on his face.Kyo felt a flicker of embarrassment for his little destructive episode and hoped that he hadn’t done any actual damage to anything of Shinya’s.

“Come on.” Kyo was surprised to see Shinya already moving to put his coat back on. “I can’t let you out alone, so I’ll take you.” He was looking patiently at Kyo as he picked up his keys from the little table by the door.

Kyo chirped quietly and trotted over to him. He let Shinya pick him up and cradle him in one arm as he slipped some shoes on and then they were out the front door and heading for Shinya’s car.

Once Kyo was deposited in the passenger seat, Shinya walked around the car to climb in on his side, and Kyo just watched him with some amount of curiosity as he pulled out his phone, typed something on it, and then settled it into its mount on the dashboard. 

Surely, Shinya couldn’t actually know that Kyo had wanted to go to find Die? As Shinya buckled his seatbelt and started the car, Kyo felt the urge to roll his eyes at his own skepticism. At what point would he finally come to terms with the fact that Shinya understood him better as a cat than most people did even when he was a man? He curled up on the seat and watched Shinya as he drove in silence.

Even sooner than Kyo expected, they were pulling up outside an apartment building that Kyo recognized was indeed Die’s, from a time he had been invited over, along with the rest of the band, years ago. He felt a surge of nervousness. He wouldn’t be able to talk to Die like this. What had he been thinking he was going to do, coming to see him??

“Come along then,” Shinya said, once the car was parked. He gestured Kyo towards him and smiled just a little. “Don’t worry, I’ll do all the talking.”

Kyo could almost have slapped him except for how he didn’t think he could ever even think something so negatively towards Shinya again after everything he’d done (and was continuing to do) for him. He got comfy tucked against Shinya’s chest and let himself be carried up to the elevator and all the way to Die’s front door.

It didn’t take long for the door to open once Shinya rang the bell, and it was clear that Die had been expecting him.

It was also clear he hadn’t been expecting the accompanying feline.

Die looked between them with a crease between his brows. “Who’s this?” he asked.

“This…” Shinya paused and Kyo realized he didn’t have any kind of cover name and Shinya couldn’t very well introduce him as Kyo. Unless that was his plan. 

_Oh, god,_ Kyo thought uneasily. _Is that his plan?? We didn’t even talk about it!_ He meowed in a way that sounded distinctly and shamefully whiny, and pawed at Shinya’s shoulder, begging him not to out him this way.

Shinya gave him a brief reassuring pat and said to Die, “Remember that cat from the studio that one day?”

Die’s face lit up at once. “Of course! I thought this little guy looked familiar! Wait, you took him home?”

“Well, he’s been staying with me temporarily,” Shinya said. “But I need him out of my house for the evening, and I remembered how well you’d bonded with him before, so I thought you might be willing to watch him for a few hours?”

“Yeah, absolutely!” Die said, eagerly holding out his arms to receive Kyo. “You don’t have, like, a carrier for him or anything?”

“He doesn’t like to be caged,” Shinya said. “At all.” He looked seriously at Die before hesitantly handing Kyo over. “I mean it, do not try to trap him in any way.”

Gosh, Kyo really appreciated Shinya. He tried not to squirm too much in Die’s arms, but also not to be overly aware of them. He focused on the conversation still going on over his head.

“Got it,” Die said, frowning. “I don’t have my cats anymore, though. Did you have food for him, a litter box…?”

“He can use the toilet,” Shinya said dismissively. “And he’ll eat whatever you’re eating.”

Die raised his eyebrows. “Don’t think you’re spoiling him a bit?”

“Not at all,” Shinya said. “Now I have to go, but if there’s an emergency, you can call me!” He waved, catching Kyo’s eye once more, and then turned back down the hall.

“Bye-bye!” Die said. He moved to close the door and then stopped and opened it again, calling out after Shinya, “Wait! You didn’t tell me his—name. Well. Guess he’s gone.” He looked down the empty hallway for a few more seconds and then sighed and took Kyo inside the apartment.

Kyo had had enough by now of not squirming, and he wriggled around until Die finally set him down. He couldn’t help but start to sniff around his surroundings. Everything smelled like Die, familiar and nostalgic, something he'd  _missed_.

“If you’ve been staying with Shinya I probably don’t have to worry about you having some freedom in here,” Die said, awkwardly, running a hand through his hair. “Don’t know what I’m supposed to call you though.”

Kyo turned back to give Die his attention. He cocked his head and made a soft sound, trying to pour apologies into it. He wanted to apologize for so many things he couldn’t even begin to list them all. He wanted Die to know it was _him_ , that he was okay, and yet he also wanted him to never find out, so that he wouldn’t have to worry about him even more. _I’m sorry_ , he said, but it came out as a cracked sort of meow.

“That’s all right,” Die said, kneeling to scratch behind Kyo’s ears. “You don’t really need a name. Doubt you’d respond to it anyway.”

And even though Kyo _knew_ it wasn’t a reference to how he hadn’t replied to Die’s texts, it still _felt_ like one, and still hurt like one, and he lowered his head guiltily.

“I have to admit,” Die said as Kyo leaned into his hand more, “When Shin texted asking for a favor and said he was on his way over, I didn’t expect something like you.” He smiled, and Kyo was sure his heart stopped beating for a solid thirty seconds. That smile, Die's infamously perfect smile, one he hadn’t gotten to see in so long, had been afraid he would never see again, and here it was aimed at him. “I’m not complaining in the slightest. Honestly, I’ve been feeling pretty down lately, and I could use the company.”

Kyo put a paw against Die’s leg, all too aware that he was the reason Die had been feeling down. For a few minutes they stayed like that, Kyo purring quietly as Die petted him with strong, gentle hands.

After what seemed like a much longer time than it probably was, Die pushed himself up to his feet. “So, hmm. Don’t have any food for you. I guess… should I cook something for you to eat?” He sounded unsure.

Kyo wasn’t really hungry. He just wanted to be around Die. He hoped to communicate this with his next, “Mroww.”

Die chuckled. “Maybe later then.” He ran his fingers through his hair again as he looked around. “Ah! I know what we could do!”

Kyo flicked his tail, trying not to be impatient. It didn’t matter at all to him what activity Die had to entertain him; he just wanted to curl up near him, and watch him, and know that Die was okay. He just _missed_ Die, and if this was the only way he could be around him then he’d take it.

“You were at the studio that one time,” Die said starting to walk down the hall. “You sat through the whole rehearsal, so I’m _guessing_ you like music.” He disappeared into a room and Kyo heard a sink running. When Die came back out into the hall he was grinning. “So maybe if I wanted to sit down and work on playing some stuff, you’d like to hang out and listen!”

Kyo hurried towards Die, rubbing against his legs and purring, trying to show enthusiasm for this suggestion.

Die looked extremely pleased and went into another room, coming back out with an acoustic guitar. He glanced back to see that Kyo was following him as he came back and took a seat in a chair in the living room.

Kyo perched on the arm of the couch, watching attentively as Die got his guitar tuned and then started just fiddling idly around on it.

For the next hour or two, Die played his guitar. Mostly little bits of things, details he was practicing. He gave Kyo a couple previews of new things he was working on, and the emotion held in even such a raw and unfinished piece of music had Kyo almost shivering.

Kyo lay down and never took his eyes off Die, his gaze flicking between his hands and his face, trying to memorize everything about the way he moved, the way he looked. Die’s brows lowered when he was concentrating, when he went back again and again to iron out some tricky fingering. He played with his eyes closed a lot of the time, and Kyo stared shamelessly. He’d had twenty years to admire Die and had never taken the time to really do it until now. Now that kind of time was all he had, and even if he never got back to his human form, Kyo couldn’t deny that this evening, all peace and music and something so _soft_ that he couldn’t define it, was the most enjoyable he’d spent since long before he first got his shapeshifting abilities.

As the night went on, Kyo’s eyes started to drift closed. Still he was listening to the soothing strains of Die’s guitar, but he was floating somewhere outside of standard consciousness. And yet, there were no nightmares to be found here. He wasn’t struggling to understand the language of Die’s music; rather he felt that he’d always known it, that it flowed through him as much as anything he made himself.

He was starting to truly doze when Die’s voice startled him awake.

“It’s nice having you here,” Die said, his hands stilling on his instrument.

Kyo opened his eyes slowly, seeing how Die was looking at him with his head tilted.

“I don’t know how to explain it,” Die went on, his voice a bit distant. “Maybe it's weird for me to keep talking to you like this. But it feels natural. Like your presence is somehow one I had been missing in my life.”

There was nothing Kyo could say, much as he wanted to scream. Words and phrases flickered through his head faster than he could latch onto any of them— _my unreachable voice_ — _I want to stay longer with you_ — _until my voice dies out_ — _can’t form words_ —and all he could do was stare back at Die and wish yet again (and again and again) that he could apologize for everything he’d already put him through.

Die rubbed at his nose and laughed shortly. “Guess I probably just didn’t realize how much I missed having cats.”

Kyo curled in on himself, closing his eyes. He didn’t want to admit that something like that hurt. It shouldn’t have hurt. It was reasonable for Die’s train of thought to go that way. But nice as it was to be near Die, it was starting to be too much, too painful, for Die not to realize who it was beside him. 

Kyo willed himself to sleep, and he didn’t wake up until Shinya was lifting him off the couch, thanking Die, and taking Kyo home.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm alive! I'm here!! Can you believe how awful I am? I'm so sorry. I was actually in Japan for a week to see the Withering to Death tour (I can't even really tell you how amazing it was, I'm in love, aah), and then I haven't managed to find the momentum to post anything since I've been back.   
> But here it is! I hope y'all haven't decided you hate me already.  
> (This is also the imaginary AU where Dir en grey is working on recording a new album ha ha ha)

Shinya didn’t say anything to Kyo about the evening he spent at Die’s apartment. He didn’t ask any questions—not that Kyo really could have answered, but Kyo was sure it was more out of respect for his privacy than the knowledge that the conversation would be fruitless.

Instead it seemed like Shinya was committing even _more_ time to taking Kyo around to search for the Black Cat. Kyo caught him looking at maps of the city on his phone, planning what routes they would take. He knew though there was the frustrating aspect wherein they couldn’t eliminate any place they’d already visited, since the cat might appear there after they'd already checked it out. There was nothing they could really do to be more likely to find him. It was chance and it was his will and it was nothing they had control over.

Certainly that must be frustrating to Shinya, but to Kyo it was just an echo of this entire long and painful episode. It was infuriating. In his life, Kyo liked to be in control over things. He liked to do what he wanted, for his own reasons. He liked the freedom to live his life as he chose, and this hunt for this magic cat, this aimless meandering and constant disappointment, was the culmination of that freedom being stolen from him. 

It was almost dark when they got back to Shinya’s house after one long and unproductive day of searching, and Shinya wasted no time in going and collapsing on the couch with a sigh.

“We might need to change our methods,” Shinya said, looking up at the ceiling.

Kyo privately agreed, though he didn’t have the first idea what they could be doing instead.

“Did you ever see the movie _101 Dalmatians_?” Shinya said. Without pausing for a response, he went on, “Perhaps we need something like in that film, where we can get all the local cats on our side and have them report this mysterious spirit or whatever he is as soon as there’s a sighting.”

Kyo’s ears flattened a bit at the suggestion. He could hardly get one or two cats to trust him enough for a simple exchange of information; he deeply doubted that he could get “all the local cats” to report to him, no matter the subject.

Shinya looked over at him and pursed his lips. “But I’m guessing you’re no better at socializing as a cat than you are as a human, so that’s probably out.”

Just then, a loud and obnoxious ringtone started playing from another room, and Shinya and Kyo stared at each other for a few seconds before Shinya got up from the couch to look for it.

As he got up, Kyo could _see_ Shinya’s phone, sitting still and silent on the arm of the couch, and Kyo’s own phone had returned to its spot in the kitchen, which was the opposite direction from whence the sound was coming. Kyo waited for Shinya to return with an explanation, and instead saw him returning with a phone pressed to his ear.

“Yes, I did,” Shinya was saying, a concerned frown on his face. “Yes.” He was quiet while the person on the other end spoke and then he said, “Oh.” His frown deepened.

Kyo couldn’t imagine who would be calling Shinya, or why he even had some secret phone. Sometimes he forgot that Shinya had more layers than most people knew. But if it was actually a clandestine phone number for hookups or something, why was Shinya starting to look so angry?

“Your children… found him?” Shinya’s voice was tight.

Kyo got up on the back of the couch, taking a few steps towards Shinya, trying to hear whoever was speaking better.

“…miss their _Chibi_ so much, you have to understand,” Kyo heard the person on the line say. And he recognized that voice. It was one that still haunted his nightmares, and he tensed at the sound of Kaito and Ai-chan’s mother as she prattled on, “They couldn’t understand why he was gone, and I know it was just a big misunderstanding, but do you think they might be able to come _visit_?”

“A misunderstanding,” Shinya repeated.

The mother didn’t miss a beat, “Of course! Obviously we didn’t know he belonged to anyone—you really ought to keep a collar on your cat, you know—”

“Excuse me?” By now there was a danger in Shinya’s tone that Kyo had only heard on very few occasions, and he might have made a move of self-preservation and gotten out of the room if he hadn’t still been paralyzed from hearing that mother’s voice, feeling as though some strange darkness going to swallow him up even as he stood in the well-lit living room.

“I’m not saying we want to take Chibi—or whatever you call him— _from_ you,” the mother said quickly. “But we did get attached, and I’m sure your cat bonded with us too, so perhaps just a visit—”

“I’m going to hang up now,” Shinya said stiffly. “And you are never going to contact me again. Should you try to reach me again, I will not hesitate to report you to the police for harassment at the very least.” He didn’t even say goodbye before hanging up the phone and tossing it behind him in disgust. His attention turned fully to Kyo, who still hadn’t moved from where he’d rooted himself to the spot on the back of the couch, though he was shaking badly.

Shinya reached both hands out to Kyo, but didn’t actually touch him. He just let his hands hover, offering the availability of physical comfort should Kyo want to move towards it, butalso just existing as a kind of symbolic protection from any outside threats.

Kyo took the offering and pushed his head against Shinya's outstretched hand.

“I won’t let them anywhere near you,” Shinya said softly. “You’re safe. Okay? I’m here and they will never get to you again.”

Belatedly, Kyo noticed himself purring. He did feel safe knowing Shinya had his back, and he only wished he’d had Shinya to reassure him during other points in his life when he’d been desperate for protection. It wasn’t that he couldn’t take care of himself, but sometimes it was just amazingly comforting, and somehow rare, to know that someone else was looking out for him as well.

When Kyo relaxed more, Shinya started petting him, gazing into space as he did so. After a moment he said, “We have a meeting at the studio tomorrow. To discuss recording. We’ve been putting it off for a while, waiting for you, but we’re going to try to figure out what we can get done in the meantime.”

Kyo looked up at Shinya, though he was still looking off somewhere else as he spoke.

“I don’t know if you’d like to accompany me to the studio or stay here. If you were there, I could try to… be your voice, if you had input.” Shinya looked uncertainly at Kyo. “I understand it might be difficult to sit through a meeting like that though, without a voice.”

Kyo considered it. It would be hard to sit through a meeting where he couldn’t contribute anything, to have the rest of the band right there but carrying on as if he weren’t in the room. It wasn’t fun anymore to just spy on them and see what they said and did without him. Now he had a lingering worry always in the pit of his stomach questioning whether he could ever get back to his human form, and seeing the things he couldn’t have anymore was just painful. On the other hand (other paw?), he was almost desperate to be a part of the band still in what little way he could, and having Shinya speak for him was probably his best chance at that.

He hoped he would get to a point in his life where he could laugh at the situation; that, after everything he’d been through with regards to his voice, the time he really had to rely on someone else to speak for him was because he’d gone and gotten himself turned into a fucking cat. Who’d have thought.

Shinya spent the rest of the evening looking at maps again and making notes. He clearly had a great deal more strategy for their search than Kyo even bothered paying attention to. It seemed unlikely that it really mattered all that much, but if it was helpful to Shinya, Kyo certainly wasn’t going to try to stop him from using any available means that might aid them.

 

Kyo was up before Shinya the next morning, just watching out the window in hopes that he might _happen_ to see the Black Cat passing by. After all, he’d gotten lucky finding Shinya that way. Maybe it could happen again…

When Shinya got up he seemed to be in a positive mood. He didn’t say anything, but Kyo could tell he must have some good vibe about the day. Kyo sort of wished that if he’d had some inspiration come to him in a dream or something he would share it, so that Kyo could feel some of that hope for himself, but he understood that sometimes things like that needed to be kept to oneself to preserve whatever made them sacred.

 

They left for the studio early, walking as they usually did, with Kyo securely in Shinya’s arms, crossing down more alleys than was strictly necessary in hopes of finding their missing spirit. As expected, they didn’t find him, though Shinya still didn’t seem as discouraged as he had been on other days. Kyo was almost uncomfortable with that kind of optimism, but he wasn’t about to think any less of Shinya for doing whatever he needed to to keep sane in all this.

Coming into the studio, they were met with predictably bewildered looks from everyone except Die, who seemed overjoyed.

“Look who’s back!” he said, excitedly hurrying over to take Kyo from Shinya so he could put his bag down.

“Who is it?” Toshiya asked. “Wait, is that the same cat that was here before? Is he _your_ cat?” He looked at Shinya with a raised eyebrow.

“I’m housing him short-term,” Shinya said. 

Kyo felt something nervous sink inside him. What if he couldn’t change back? Would Shinya be willing to house him long-term? Forever? How could he ever ask such a thing of him?

“And you still never told me his name,” Die said without looking up from Kyo, who wasn’t bothering to struggle against Die’s hold.

“I haven’t given him one,” Shinya said truthfully.

“Ooh, should we?” Die asked.

“I don’t know…” Shinya frowned as he looked worriedly to Kyo.

“He looks like… a warumono,” Die said quietly, “Doesn’t he?”

Toshiya looked like he was going to roll his eyes but stopped, his shoulders slumping. “Might as well just call him Penyu and be done with it,” he muttered, turning to take his seat for the meeting.

Die carried Kyo over to the table and sat down with him on his lap.

Kyo was all too aware that he should take the opportunity to hop down and remove himself from this kind of contact, but it felt so safe and comfortable he couldn’t really bring himself to run from it, and just curled up, closing his eyes and listening to the sounds of Shinya coming to the table and everyone shifting in their chairs as the meeting started.

“Poor guy,” Die said, scratching behind Kyo’s ears. “Hope he didn’t think we were gonna be making music today. He’ll be disappointed just listening to us talk.”

“I did warn him that it was a meeting,” Shinya said smoothly.

“You talk to your animals a lot, huh?” Toshiya’s voice came from the other side of the table.

“He’s not _my animal_ , but sure, I talk to him,” Shinya said.

“As interesting a topic as this is,” Kaoru’s voice cut in, “we do have a few things to discuss here.” There was the sound of paper rustling and Die’s arms shifted around Kyo as he picked his paper up from the table. “Here’s the proposed recording schedule,” Kaoru said. “I went over it with Inoue this morning. He’s pretty eager for us to get started—I am too.” He cleared his throat before continuing, “As you can see, we should be able to get the first couple songs… basically finished by the end of the week.”

There was a quiet that followed, filled with tension as Kyo could tell all of them were acknowledging that anything they recorded could be finished save for Kyo’s part. He wondered how they had factored that into the recording schedule.

“Shinya,” Kaoru said after a few moments, “You… Well, you’ve had more contact with Kyo than the rest of us—”

“Yeah, ‘cause he hasn’t fucking responded to a single text from anyone else,” Toshiya mumbled with completely undisguised bitterness.

“— _So_ ,” Kaoru tried valiantly to ignore the interjection, “Has he given any indication…? Do we have any time frame in mind for when he might be back?” There was a quality to Kaoru’s voice that Kyo wasn’t used to hearing. Something desperate and possibly scared. It hurt hearing it there, knowing he had caused it.

Kyo opened his eyes and adjusted so he could peer over from Die’s lap and look with everyone else to Shinya for his response.

Shinya didn’t look at Kyo before answering confidently, “Soon. I don’t have an exact date, but he’ll be returning very soon.”

Kyo’s eyes flitted around the table, taking in the other members’ reactions. Toshiya’s jaw worked back and forth and he shifted uncomfortably in his chair. Kaoru just pursed his lips and nodded, looking down at the papers on the table in front of him. Kyo didn’t look at Die’s face, instead watching how his fingers tightened in the material of his jeans at the knee and then relaxed again, smoothing over the fabric. Just how much was he internalizing through all of this?

There had been times in the past, Kyo was sure, when he’d gone far longer without seeing his bandmates, but he’d never been so totally unreachable. And when he was _supposed_ to be there, he always was. He’d never really realized how much his absence and his silence would hurt all of them.

“I’ve left a few days open, scattered throughout the calendar,” Kaoru said, gesturing to the paper. “So we can work him in whenever he’s available. Speaking of which, as soon as we do know his return date, we’ll want to try to reschedule the shoot for the music video as well.”

Kyo watched them discuss a few other details, a few notes about equipment they would need for different recording days and that kind of thing. Somehow there was a peacefulness in it. For the first time since becoming a cat Kyo felt… acceptance. There was no denying that it hurt, or that he wanted to be part of their meeting in a way he couldn’t be, but as he watched them with respect and adoration, he could imagine their lives without him being decent. They could carry on making music; they could give voice to suffering in a way that even he, as a vocalist, wasn’t ever able to. It was funny in a way that this could come to him as they went over paperwork and schedules and details, but whatever his understanding was came with the knowledge that there _was_ no big picture without the smaller picture. It wasn’t the part of making art that he particularly enjoyed but it was as necessary and important as anything.

Nuzzling in against the crook of Die’s arm, Kyo let his eyes close again, enjoying the various timbres of his bandmates’ voices, not listening to their words as much anymore. It seemed that in time all human language would fade from his understanding and he wouldn’t have to worry about it. He could just feel safe hearing familiar voices and letting them warm him. 

He might have started to drift off, but eventually Kaoru’s voice drew his attention again, his words cutting cleanly through the hum of human speech:

“There was one more serious thing I wanted to touch on.” The creaking sound of wood had Kyo opening his eyes, sitting up slightly to see Kaoru leaning his elbows on the table as he frowned. “If Kyo… does not come back… this album might be the last thing we record together as a band. It has brought me endless joy and satisfaction to work with you all over the years. I know in this time of uncertainty it can be difficult to stay focused on the music, but let’s make sure this is our very best work.” He paused, looking around at them all before closing his eyes and tilting his head. “Even if Kyo does not come back… we can still get it done. We have enough material from rehearsal recordings and the like for his vocals, we could cut something together for our last album. I think Kyo would want us to finish it too.”

There was a stunned silence that followed before Toshiya said quietly, “C’mon, you’re talking about him like he’s dead.”

Kyo saw the grim look on Kaoru’s face as he looked across the table at Shinya, and realized Kaoru didn’t believe Shinya’s reassurances at all. Kaoru really didn’t believe that Kyo was ever coming back, and certainly not soon. Maybe he did even think that Kyo was dead.

Would that be easier for everyone? If Kyo couldn’t change back, maybe putting it around that he had died would be the best way to handle it. His bandmates and fans could grieve without having to deal with the actual bizarre circumstances of his disappearance. He would have to “discuss” it with Shinya later.

After another long pause, Kaoru announced that the meeting was over and stood up from his chair. “No one else needed to say anything?” he asked, looking down at his papers as he started to gather everything to put away.

“No, I just need a drink,” Toshiya said, standing up as well and stretching.

Kaoru let out a quiet laugh. “I think I might join you.”

“I’ll come too,” Die said as he started to get up from his chair. His voice honestly startled Kyo. He’d gotten so used to sitting with him that he’d forgotten all about him being Die. He’d been quiet most of the meeting.

Kyo hopped up onto the table, wishing that he could say something to them all before they filed out. Maybe it wouldn’t even be reassuring at this point. Maybe just a message of support for them taking the music they created together and doing their best with it. He padded across to Toshiya and chirped to get his attention.

“Probably glad that’s over, eh?” Toshiya asked, smiling down at him. He put out his hand and Kyo pushed his head against it, communicating as best he could.

“At least he had a comfy seat for it,” Shinya said, and Kyo looked over to see him smiling at Die.

“I’ll pass on sitting on Die’s lap through a meeting,” Kaoru said. “Too bony.”

“Yeah, well I wasn’t offering anyway,” Die laughed.

Kyo rubbed his head against Toshiya one more time and then hurried over to Kaoru before he could walk away from the table. He stood on top of Kaoru’s papers and rested one paw on Kaoru’s tattooed hand.

Kaoru looked surprised but not displeased. He used his other hand to pet Kyo with a kind of characteristic gentleness.

It felt a bit like he was saying goodbye. Kyo was trying to give them his blessing to carry on making music without him. He wondered how much the message was coming across.

With one last affectionate “mrow?” he went back over to Die, who was standing watching with a soft smile on his face. 

Die held his arms open. “Thought you’d abandoned me!”

Kyo wished he could tell him just how much that wasn’t the case. He put both paws up on Die’s chest and nuzzled against him, letting himself be held. It was harder to push those blessings out towards Die. Much as he wanted to tell him it was okay to go on without him, he didn’t want to say goodbye, and everything in him seemed to be screaming resistance.

“Look out, Shin, I think Die’s gonna try to take your cat from you,” Kaoru’s voice said, and Kyo could tell he was moving towards the door.

“He’s welcome to him,” Shinya said calmly. “He’s not my cat.”

“Are you coming for drinks?” Die asked Shinya, lifting Kyo fully into his arms and scratching under his chin.

“Not today,” Shinya said. “I have to take this guy home.”

Die nodded, and then placed a kiss on top of Kyo’s furry head. “Think Shinya’s saying he’s ready to get going,” he said, somehow only loud enough for Kyo to hear. Holding out his arms, he let Shinya take the cat from him, and then waved a last goodbye before heading with the others out of the room. 

Kyo stared at the door after it closed behind Die, the strange feeling that he might never see any of them again gnawing uncomfortably at him. Shinya’s arms tightened around him knowingly and then they were walking out as well, switching off the light as they passed.

Shinya didn’t say anything for a long while as they made their way out of the building and started towards home. In fact, they were nearing some of the more familiar alleyways near his apartment complex by the time that Shinya spoke up at all.

“You’re welcome to stay with me,” he said. Kyo shifted in his arms to look at him. “As long as you like. Forever. I don’t mind. It’s no trouble at all, having you there. But…” He frowned a bit. “But I understand if you’d rather go live with Die.”

The suggestion surprised Kyo. Sure, they had been kidding around about it back at the studio, but he hadn’t considered it an actual possibility.

“I’m sure he would love to have you. I know he gets lonelier than he lets on,” Shinya said. “But whatever you decide I’ll support you.”

Kyo wasn’t sure he would want to live with Die. It might be hard to be that close to someone he loved and couldn’t have all the time, but that Shinya was so supportive was still incredibly touching. He moved to get his paws up on Shinya’s shoulder, pushing his head against Shinya’s jaw until Shinya actually stopped walking and just stood in the alley holding him close.

“And whatever happens with the band, you know you can still see all of us. We all care about you, and we all want to see you. I don’t know what you’ll want me to tell them,” Shinya said, emotion clawing at the edges of his voice. “You don’t have to decide now, we can work it all out. But I’ll be here for you, no matter what. I don’t want you to forget that.” And then for the second time in one day, the top of Kyo’s head was being kissed.

It should have been more affection than Kyo was comfortable with, and yet it only felt natural, and he hoped Shinya could feel the waves of love he was sending back to him. Maybe he could, as the air around them shifted and buzzed. Was that the sensation of a cat’s love emanating from him?

Then a voice sounded in his head, soft and low as a purr:

_You’ve been searching for me_.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goodness me, I'm sorry. I've actually been moving into a new apartment the past few weeks, and every bit of free time I've had has been spent packing and unpacking, cleaning, buying and assembling furniture, etc, and it's just been incredibly time-consuming and exhausting. New apartment is really good! And hopefully I'll have time to post things more in the near future.   
> Here is this. I hope no one is too disappointed. It started out as nonsense and that is how it's bound to end. Love to you all, and thank you for your patience.

Immediately Kyo perked up, his head whipping around for the source of the voice. Shinya hadn’t heard it, and was only startled by Kyo’s sudden movement.

“Kyo—what—” Shinya released his hold on him, letting him leap down to the ground, though he still looked utterly perplexed.

But Kyo saw it. The Black Cat.

After all this time searching, he had found it, and it was just _sitting_ there, looking as casual as any cat ever did, its tail curled around its body, twitching against the ground.

_You are not happy with your gift._ The cat tilted its head as Kyo approached.

Kyo paused, unsure how to reply. The last thing he wanted to do was insult the cat in such a way as would get him on its bad side. At the same time, he was tempted to tackle the cat and pin it to the ground just to be certain it wouldn’t get away now that they’d finally found it—although for all he knew, the cat could use its unfathomable powers to just poof away in a cloud of smoke even if it were pinned down. It wouldn’t shock Kyo at all if this cat could just vanish into thin air.

So he bowed respectfully and spoke to the cat, _Originally, the gift was meant to be for only three days. I could shift at will, and I did appreciate that you gave me the opportunity—_

_You made your choice_. The cat narrowed its eyes. _At the end of the third day, you were still in cat form, were you not?_

Kyo bristled a little. _No one informed me of that fine print_.

_It was not a choice?_

_I was… imprisoned_. Kyo let out a soft growl at the thought, the memory of being grabbed and groped, of being held down and caged. _I was unable to make the decision for myself_.

The cat sat up more fully and showed its teeth for a second. _Your freedom was taken from you?_

_I escaped, but I’m still not free_. Kyo wondered if the regret came through in his tone. _I can’t be free, like this. There’s too much I need to do as a man._

_You could be,_ the cat countered, and licked its paw. _You could go off on your own, escape from the life you knew. Is that not what you wanted?_ It looked at Kyo with eyes that were huge and knowing.

And yet so _wrong_. It wasn’t what Kyo wanted. He hadn’t ever wanted to actually escape from his life. He loved doing what he did, cared deeply about his art and about the people with whom he made it. It wasn’t something he had ever wanted to actually leave behind.

_I just want my life back. I want to make freedom for myself as I choose_. Kyo looked pleadingly at the spirit before him. _Is there no way to change me back?_

_There is,_ the cat admitted, seeming to shrug. It lay on its side, looking far too relaxed for this level of conversation, as far as Kyo was concerned. _But nothing in this world is without cost_.

Kyo only hesitated for a second before chirping quietly. _I accept whatever it may be. I’m prepared to pay any price for your assistance_.

The cat looked lazily at him and blinked once before yawning.

_I mean it_. Kyo took a couple steps forward and then lay down before the other cat, lowering himself to a better groveling position. 

The cat held his gaze, and Kyo wondered if he should have thought about it more before promising to pay any price. Who knows what the cat might want in exchange? The tale of the Little Mermaid came to mind, uncomfortably appropriate, and Kyo tried to find peace within himself for the possibility that his voice might be permanently lost so he could regain his human body. It would still be worth it. There were other ways to express himself.

Then the cat’s eyes closed.

Kyo stared longer than he should have before realizing this was it. That was the signal for Kyo to close his eyes as well, to let the magic take place. He looked around the alley once more, over at Shinya who was standing a fair distance away, watching, looking deeply uneasy. He tried his best for the feline version of a reassuring smile and then focused on his breathing, on his body, on who and what he wanted to be, and closed his eyes.

The static in the air around them was instantaneous and familiar, and the burning, sticky-sweet smell that rose with it was like something out of a dream Kyo had had too many times. He didn’t have to wonder if it was working, the way his body distorted, stretching and shrinking, pulling and twisting, and he belatedly thought he’d better make sure he was concentrating enough to have some kind of clothing on when he came out the other side.

Just as quickly as it had started, it was over. There was stillness and quiet, and Kyo was legitimately afraid to open his eyes. He flexed his right hand, curled it into a fist, stretched it out flat again. It felt… normal. Human. Warily, he opened his eyes, looking just at his hand. Ink, flesh and bone. _His_ hand. 

Before he could form much thought beyond that, he was being knocked down on the pavement from his kneeling position, Shinya’s arms thrown around him. Light as Shinya was, he was still more than capable of leaving Kyo flat on the ground under his weight.

Shinya wasn’t even speaking, his face tucked against Kyo’s shoulder where he couldn’t see it, but Kyo was sure he’d never been held so tightly in his life. It was reminiscent of a motherembracing her child after a near-drowning. In his shock he was slow to react, but gradually he was able to wrap his arms around Shinya in return, grounded and amazed by his ability to do such a thing. 

“Shinya—” Kyo cut off, completely thrown by the sound of his own voice. Was that what he’d always sounded like? He couldn’t fully remember. At the very least, he was hoarser than usual, as if his voice had been rusting without use. 

Shinya only held him tighter, and Kyo found he didn’t know what words to say to him anyway. 

Every reaction seemed to be delayed. Kyo wasn’t sure how long he’d been crying when he finally noticed the tears on his own face. He sniffed, tilting his head back, trying not to burden Shinya with anything else after all he’d already put him through. 

He only finally let go when he realized Shinya was shaking with laughter rather than tears.

“What are you _wearing_?” Shinya asked, sitting up to pluck at Kyo’s jacket. “Is this from the _Withering_ tour??”

Kyo pushed himself up, leaning back on one hand, and looked down at what he was wearing. “It’s…”

“Were you wearing that when you changed _into_ a cat?”

“No,” Kyo said, shaking his head. “But I’ve seemed to have some degree of control over what I’m wearing when I shift back…” He ran his fingers over the collar of the jacket, smirking inwardly that he came back into human form and still managed to have _tails_.

“So you _chose_ to wear this,” Shinya said, with a raised eyebrow. Kyo could tell he was trying to lighten the mood and couldn’t fault him for it. “Same old Kyo then.”

For a moment, Kyo was going to flip him off, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it, and instead just grabbed Shinya’s hand and squeezed, smiling at him gratefully.

Their attention was pulled suddenly by the Black Cat yawning and stretching beside them, and Kyo’s eyes went wide. Clambering to his knees, he got into position to bow before the cat, and in his periphery saw Shinya following suit.

He couldn’t speak the cat’s language anymore, so he offered up his gratitude in his own words as best he could. “Thank you, for everything you have given me, and for granting my request. True to my word, I will offer anything in payment that you see fit.” He closed his eyes and breathed out, waiting for whatever cost might befall him, but when he opened them again the cat just looked at him and then flopped back over on its side, exposing its belly and _waiting_.

Kyo and Shinya exchanged a glance and then, tentatively, Kyo reached out to give the Black Cat skritches on its belly. The response was immediate and obvious as the cat stretched out more, closing its eyes and purring. Shinya scooted closer to supply belly rubs of his own, both he and Kyo holding their breath as if afraid to speak.

A few minutes passed before the cat lifted its head abruptly and then jumped to its feet, not even sparing a final chirp for them before it went darting down the alley and out of sight. Gone as suddenly as it had appeared.

Kyo felt a sense of finality about it. He was sure he wouldn’t be seeing that cat again.

He and Shinya both stared at where the creature (spirit? Whatever it was) had been for a long while until Shinya said, “I think that just now was the most surreal part of everything that’s happened.”

Kyo could have argued, but he just shook his head and huffed out a laugh. It felt strange to laugh, like something he shouldn’t be capable of doing, the sound unnatural. It might take some getting used to, but he supposed once he was back around people who brought it out of him—

_Die_.

Like a slap in the face, Kyo remembered how urgent it was for him to see Die, to confess everything, to let him know he was alive and available and already his. He was scrambling up to his feet before his legs could recall how to support him and he nearly toppled over, only to be caught by Shinya.

“Hey, whoa, where are we going so quickly? You can use words to communicate with me now, you know,” Shinya said, and stood smoothly, hands still hovering near Kyo in case he went tipping over again.

“I have to—I’m sorry,” Kyo said, finding it surprisingly difficult to form the words he wanted to use. “Die, I have to—Talk, at least.”

“The whole rest of the band went to get drinks.” Shinya took his phone out of his pocket and started typing on it even as he went on, “Do you want to do anything before you see him? Change, shower…?”

Kyo grimaced. “Do I stink?” He held his shirt out from his chest, and sniffed, trying to catch his own scent.

Shinya looked at him, considering. “No, surprisingly. You kind of smell like… marshmallows, for some reason.”

“Then I’d rather not wait,” Kyo said. He started walking out of the alley and then stopped and turned back to Shinya. “Actually.” He looked at him, standing there patiently, dirt from having knelt on the ground covering his otherwise pristine outfit, and nothing would come out of his mouth, much as he tried to force his feelings of affection and appreciation to appear linguistically. Here was a brilliant and kindhearted man, a better friend than Kyo could ever ask for or deserve, still supporting him after having taken care of him through the most impossible of circumstances. What words could ever be enough?

Shinya cocked his head to one side, curiosity not quite overwhelming his patience, but still terribly visible.

“I want to start a new project,” Kyo said, after another long pause. “Something I’d like to work on with you, if you don’t mind.”

Shinya raised his eyebrows as an indication for Kyo to continue.

“I don’t exactly know how it will take shape, but I want to establish some foundation or program for stopping and preventing animal cruelty.” A half-smile pulled at Kyo’s mouth. “I’m not sure how to go about it, but I know at least that I’d love for you to be in on it with me.”

Shinya smiled then, giving a single nod. “Of course. I would be happy to.”

“Thank you,” Kyo said, the words both freeing and painfully insufficient. “For everything. Shinya, I don’t…” He shook his head, twisted a ring that he was somewhat impressed he’d managed to put there around his finger. 

When it was clear his sentence wasn’t going anywhere else, Shinya reached out and gripped Kyo’s shoulder firmly, looking at him with eyes that were kinder than Kyo felt should be allowed. “I know. You’re welcome. Now let’s go find Die, shall we?”

Kyo exhaled slowly and let Shinya lead the way out of the alley.

Kyo hardly paid attention to where they were walking as he followed along after Shinya, his mind swarming with everything he had come so close to losing forever, everything he now had _back_. He felt graceless and heavy as he plodded along the sidewalk, his arms so ungainly hanging at his sides. The world seemed duller and yet the colors seemed more vibrant, and he felt some bizarre surge of affection for the city, thinking Tokyo had never looked so beautiful as it did now.

One short subway ride later (for which Shinya purchased Kyo’s ticket since he didn’t have any money on him), and they were coming up to an unassuming izakaya, stopping just outside the door.

“Are you ready? You don’t have to see everyone tonight if you’d rather wait,” Shinya said.

“No, I’ve already made everyone wait longer than I ever meant to,” Kyo said, pleased that his voice was coming out sounding more confident than he really felt.

They went inside, left their shoes in a locker, and Kyo followed Shinya down a couple winding paths through the restaurant until he paused outside of one of the sliding doors and glanced once at Kyo before knocking.

“Hello, hellooo, it’s Shinya,” he called and slid the door open, though Kyo still hesitated back against the wall, trying to psych himself up before seeing his bandmates.

“Shin-chan!” Toshiya’s voice replied. “Come to join us after all!”

“I see you’ve gotten quite a head start on the drinking though,” Shinya said. He frowned and his eyes darted back to Kyo for a second before he said, “Where’s Die?”

Kyo’s heart sank. Die wasn’t _there_? He was about to turn on his heel and head for the exit, but Shinya’s gentle hand on his wrist stopped him.

“Went to take a leak.” That was Kaoru, and Kyo had a pang of panic, remembering how intensely angry Kaoru was likely to be. “Are you coming in, or aren’t you?”

“I am,” Shinya said. “I brought a friend though; I hope that’s all right.”

“Nah, that’s fine!” Toshiya said. “Long as you’re not worried we’ll scare ‘em off.”

“Only slightly,” Shinya said with a small smile. And with that he tugged Kyo along with him and stepped in through the sliding door.

Kyo only got a glimpse of the smiling faces of his bandmates before the smiles faded, replaced with astonishment, and then Toshiya was scrambling up from the floor, nearly tripping over the corner of the table in his hurry to get to Kyo.

“The _fuck_??” Toshiya said, grabbing Kyo by the lapels of his jacket.

“Is that… really Kyo?” Kaoru’s voice was soft and far away.

“What is _wrong_ with you!?” Toshiya growled, and he shook Kyo once before his eyes started brimming over with tears. “Do you have any idea how worried we were? You’ve got a lot of fucking nerve showing up here like this!”

“I know,” Kyo said hoarsely, his hands covering Toshiya’s where he was still clutching at his clothing. “Nothing I could say would be enough, I’m so sorry.”

Suddenly Toshiya was being shoved aside with impressive force, and Kaoru was there instead, staring at Kyo in disbelief. 

“You’re here.” Kaoru reached out tentatively, one hand touching Kyo’s face before pulling back as fast as if he’d been burned. “You’re alive.”

Kyo nodded. He felt as though he were suffocating already. Everything was so loud and close, and he couldn’t blame them for wanting to touch him, wanting to be sure of him, but it was still overwhelming.

That didn’t mean he would dare to stop Kaoru from pulling him in for a hug. “I didn’t want to believe…” Kaoru was holding him like he might break, and Kyo couldn’t even remember the last time he’d been so _soft_ with him. He’d expected anger and disappointment and wasn't sure he could tolerate this compassion and forgiveness.

“You have a lot to answer for, you know,” Toshiya said, and at least he was still clearly making an effort to stay angry. “You don’t know what you put us through, and especially what you put _Die_ through. When he gets back…”

“What _happened_?” Kaoru asked, pulling back from the embrace to look at Kyo’s face searchingly.

“We’ll have plenty of time to talk about what happened,” Shinya said, “But Kyo’s been through a fair amount too, so let’s give him some space.” He took Kaoru by the arm, guiding him carefully back from the door, and turned back to Kyo. “Do you want to talk to Die alone?” he asked quietly.

Kyo gave him a grateful look and headed back out to the hall, following signs towards the restroom until he reached an offset little corridor, and nearly collided with Die on his way out of the men’s room.

“Excuse me,” Die said quickly, without really looking up at him, and moved to pass him, but Kyo held out his arm, stopping Die in his tracks. Die looked up.

For several seconds, Die just stared at him, uncomprehending. Then he took a step back.

“Die,” Kyo said, but didn’t know how to go on. Even after anticipating such a reunion as long as he had, words weren’t coming easily.

“You’re real, aren’t you,” Die said, his voice impossibly soft.

“I am, I’m here, and I’m so…” Kyo bit his lip, not wanting to throw apologies at Die yet, when there was so much else he wanted to say first. Or should apologies be his priority?

Die stepped towards him again, putting his hands on Kyo’s arms in a way that didn’t feel overwhelming at all. “Shit, Kyo… You—I thought…” He swallowed before going on, the words tumbling out, “I should have told you before, and you’re here now, and I don’t know why, or if you’re staying, but I have to tell you now—”

Kyo cut him off by pulling him down with both hands, stopping his babbling with as sweet and honest a kiss as he’d ever given anyone. If Die was startled by it, it didn’t show for more than an instant before he was kissing Kyo back shamelessly, crushing him against his body.

When the kiss broke, Kyo laughed a little breathlessly, and pushed Die’s hair back behind his ear. “I know.”

“—I’m in love with you,” Die said. He wore a familiar expression of confusion as he looked down at Kyo’s face. “You _know_?”

“I love you, too,” Kyo said, and leaned up to kiss him shortly once again. “I’ll explain everything when we get back to the rest of the band, but I wanted to see you before I got into any of that.”

“You’re back?” There was still pain and uncertainty in Die’s eyes that Kyo knew couldn’t be kissed away. He rested his forehead against Kyo's. “You’re not taking off again?”

“I’m staying,” Kyo said, squeezing Die’s hand. Regretfully he took a few steps away from him as he remembered that he was no longer invisible, and probably shouldn’t be caught making out with one of his bandmates in the hallway of a local izakaya. He wasn’t willing to drop his hand just yet though. “I was afraid I wouldn’t ever get to tell you how I feel.”

“Why, though?” Die asked. “Where… were you? Why wouldn’t you speak to me?”

“I wanted to,” Kyo said. “It’s a long story, but let’s start with… you know that cat Shinya was bringing around sometimes?”

Die’s brow furrowed. “Yes?”

“Well, you won’t be seeing him anymore.”

Die shook his head, clearly no less puzzled.

“Come on, let’s get back to the others,” Kyo said, linking his fingers with Die’s. “I don’t know how much you guys will believe my tale, but at least then I’ll have Shinya to back me up.”

“It doesn’t matter that much, honestly,” Die said, still looking at him with some wonder. “I just… I was so scared, Kyo. I’m just relieved you’re back, and you’re all right.”

“I am, now,” Kyo agreed. As they walked back down the hall to where the rest of the band was waiting, Kyo felt that things finally  _were_ right once again. Feeling Die this close to him, he could actually be certain of his own body, and when Die smiled at him, so relieved and happy to have him back, he wasn’t drowning in the guilt of his own mistakes. “Ne, what are you doing tomorrow, Die?”

“Hmm, going for a run, working on music at home, probably. Why?”

“I thought maybe you’d like to come with me to visit some animal shelters… I’m going to see about adopting a cat.”

“Finally taking Shinya’s advice, then?”

Kyo smiled. “I probably should have much sooner.”

“Sure, I’d be happy to go with you,” Die said as they got to the correct room. He still held Kyo’s hand as he slid the door open. “I love cats.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a surprising undertaking that was. Well duskalia, even though I know it's nothing like what you wanted, I hope you enjoyed it! (and I hope everyone else enjoyed it too!)  
> I'm gonna try to do NaNoWriMo this year, by the way. What that means, hopefully is... that I get some of these other fics I've been working on prepped and ready to go so I have things to post while I'm working on writing some novel-length Die/Kyo nonsense during November, haha. I'll try to be more present than I have been, 'cause I miss y'all. <3


End file.
